All I want for Christmas
by atiaahmed
Summary: Lockart wipes Harry's memory. Along the way of regaining it, he gets access to a memory his magic had suppressed. Because of it, Harry is desperate not to return to the Dursleys, but Dumbledore won't listen - so Harry has to make his own escape. Come along to the bumpy ride of Harry trying to find what he wished for most in this world. Completed (11 chapters)! Severitus-ish!
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys,

this story was written for the winter fic fest at potionsandsnitches (sadly the site is down right now). The challenge was to take one of the challenges on the site and turn it into a winter/christmas themed story, whereas the main aspect was to corporate a challenge and the winter theme was kind of second to it.

I decided to corporate as many challenges as I could! I think I have a total of 16 challenges, the story has 11 chapters (including the epilogue) and is completed! So I hope you enjoy and leave me a comment, I will write down the challenge I used at the end of each chapter and you guys can say if you liked how I worked with it.

* * *

**Chapter One – Why remember?**

Dumbledore stalked to the room he had given the new ministry appointed addition to staff. For once in their existence, the ministry had ordered a useful decree. After the fiasco in the Chamber of Secrets, a counsellor was appointed at Hogwarts to treat the children. Of course no one could say they did not need counselling.

Something had gone horribly wrong down there and it had taken them days to reconstruct everything that happened. It seemed that Messrs. Potter and Weasley had taken their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher down into the Chamber. Before they could face Voldemort and save Miss Weasley, however, Lockhart had turned on them and used a memory charm to wipe their minds clean. He then proceeded to collect the shedded Basilisk skin as proof of his "adventure", but while he was at it, he came across the creature itself.

When the other teachers finally reached the Chamber – the Entrance in the girl's lavatory wide open – they encountered two dead body's and two unconscious boys. Both Gryffindors were taken up to the hospital wing at once, Lockhart was immediately taken to St Mungos to be examined and young Miss Weasley given up to her parents.

Dumbledore heaved a heart felt sigh at the memory of telling Arthur and Molly Weasley that their youngest child had fallen victim to the newly resurrected Dark Lord. Voldemort had taken her life force and the diary's Horkrux to successfully get his body back. He fled as soon as he discovered the dead Lockhart, probably assuming in his haste that the giant snake had killed the two boys lying there unconscious as well. He had only tried to mask his steps by burning the Basilisk before leaving. The charred ugly remains could be found in the chamber still.

So, now look at the mess! Voldemort resurrected, another Defense teacher dead, a student dead and two others who had lost their memories! And this was only the beginning. Dumbledore raised his fist to knock at the counsellor's door, dreading whatever worries she had to pile up to his shoulders as well.

'Enter' the friendly voice beckoned and Dumbledore strode into her cosy office, with the tell-tale couch and big desk 'Ah, Professor Dumbledore! Thank you for coming so quickly.'

She rose respectfully and shook his hand firmly.

'How may I help, Amelia?' Dumbledore asked, taking a seat at her invitation. Amelia Bourne poured him a cup of tea and then said

'Oh, its just protocol, headmaster. I am to give you a report about the counsels I have given up until now'

'Ah, very well. But I thought you would not be able to say anything – the conversations are confidential?'

'Of course, yes. It was more a general overview. But there is a matter I need to address with you because further treatment does not lie in my area of expertise.'

'Oh?' Dumbledore said mildly, surprised by this pronouncement 'How may I help you? I do hope you are making progress'

Amelia nodded seriously 'Ronald Weasley is getting back to his normal self in record time, he already remembers most of his childhood, I am happy to report' Dumbledore gave her an encouraging smile at that 'The problem lies with young Mr. Potter. I feel like our conversations can only do so much. We have been circling around the same memories for a while now and I understand I must ask for help now.'

'Please explain, Amelia, I am afraid I don't follow.'

'Yes… I use hypnosis to unlock memories. While Mr. Weasley has unlocked most of his childhood, Mr. Potter has only been successful at unlocking his school career, here and in the muggle world. There are no memories of his childhood emerging. It is quite worrisome.'

'Indeed.' Dumbledore agreed thoughtfully 'I assume you have an idea as to how we might proceed?'

Amelia nodded 'I heard you are a skilled Legilimens and wanted to ask you to help him with that. Legilimentic has been used in similar cases by Medi-Wizards and it might help.'

Dumbledore nodded slowly 'I will do my best.'

Dumbledore had already been planning on teaching Harry Occlumency as he suspected that Voldemort knew now, as he did, that Harry might be a Horkrux. It was imperative to block mind attacks with the use of Occlumency. And if the art helped the boy to unlock his memories, all the better.

* * *

Harry felt lost and confused by what he remembered and what he missed. He had been staying in the hospital wing because the matron had forbidden him from returning to Gryffindor Tower. She seemed to think the other students would harass him and put pressure on him to remember what he had forgotten. Harry frowned. He rather thought it might jog his memory to return there. And also, he did remember everything from his school days, so what could his classmates tell him to unsettle him anyway?

On the other side there was the matter of the Weasleys to consider, who were still mourning the loss of their sister. While Ron had stayed in the hospital no one had told them that she had been killed in the Chamber. As they did not remember the incident themselves, that posed little issue. But when Ron had started getting better, he had come to the point of remembering that his sister had been kidnapped and it was hard to miss that it was only ever his brothers, who came to visit him. When he realized that she had been killed, he had become silent and withdrawn and soon after that had been released from the matron, because his mind had recovered all memories. Since that day none of the Weasleys had come to visit him.

Harry shook his head in irritation. Why should he care? All of them had reason to come see their brother, who was Harry to them anyway? And they were mourning their sisters loss, helping Ron deal with it and somehow trying to get through end of year examinations. He had no reason at all to fret, really. No reason to believe that they somehow blamed him for her death. Whenever these thoughts came up, Harry felt like burrowing into his pillow and never coming up for air.

It was weird how much Ron and the Weasleys meant to him. He was his best friend, yes and he had stayed with them last summer. Still, how could his heart clench so painfully at the thought that Mrs. Weasley might never hug him again? He had been told, of course, that he was an orphan and how and why his parents had died. He knew he lived with his aunt and uncle and their son in Surrey, had been since he was about a year old. He knew all that, but he did not remember. No one told him any more than that.

But gauging from the fact that neither had he gotten a visit nor so much as a letter from his relatives and he seemed to genuinely care more for Ron's family than his own, he could imagine that they did not get on well. And the way Hermione pursed her lips, whenever he tried to bring up the subject told him even more than he probably wished to know. So he was not very keen on learning how his previous life with the Dursleys had gone. But that was to change now, as the letter in his hand evidently meant.

'Dear Harry,

I am glad to know that you are making progress in your recovery. After consulting with Miss Bourne, we have concluded that the last part of it will require a special treatment.

This treatment is called Legilimency and basically means that someone will enter your mind to find the last memories and unlock them for you. Miss Bourne is not a Legilimens and has asked me to step in, which I will gladly be doing for you.

Meet me on Friday at 12 o'clock in my office, the password is 'caramel custard'.

I look forward to talking to you again

Albus Dumbledore'

* * *

Severus Snape had very little to look forward to these days. The end of year was approaching fast and with the horrible events that had led to it, the usual insanity of it was heightened considerably. He frowned when he thought about the memorial service, that had been held for the Weasley girl. He scowled about Fudge's endless blather of 'unfortunate accident' and 'to learn from this horrible event', 'change in security matters' and most infuriatingly 'a stricter control by the ministry'. He had used the death of an eleven year old to gain more control of the situation. While the Slytherin-cunning side of him did appreciate the idea, the Slytherin-don't-mess-with-me side of him resented it immensely.

He had enough puppet masters as it was. With Voldemort resurrected, he had to bend his knee in front of the inhuman monster and the head of the Order of the Phoenix. To have another person wanting to give him orders about anything grated on his nerves. He had wanted to rattle the empty shell called Fudge, until the two brain cells in his mind would collide and possibly get to the conclusion that, yes the Dark Lord was back. Yes, they had to ally themselves with every half-human and non-human creature in Britian to oppose him. Yes, indeed, those respectable purebloods were Death Eaters, are Death Eaters and will die as servants of the Dark Lord as well!

But as it was, he could only sit there and suffer through the incredibly dull and cold speech of their minister, followed by the sorrowful and empathic words of the headmaster. He had stood in line with his colleagues to give his condolences to the girl's parents and brothers. Then he had gone up to the grave, as all others had, and laid down a bouquet of fire red flowers. He had no other personal knowledge of the girl but her red hair and vivacious demeanour, that had vanished as the year passed on and Voldemort's control over her mind grew. On a whim, he had knelt and stroked the headstone once, before turning and apparating back to the castle.

His way to the only real home he had known was interrupted that day, because his arm went up in flames. Not literally, but the pain left him staggering and leaning against a tree. His master was angry and he was going to feel it. Sighing, Severus concentrated and then apparated to the madman's side, falling to his knees and grovelling like a starving dog.

'Master!'

'Did you go to the memorial service of sweet Ginny Weasley?', his master asked calmly and thus began the onslaught of questions and Legilimency. A test he passed, which merely meant that he would be able to leave with his mind intact and his heart pounding. A good set of Crutiatus for his lack of new information was his reward before he could finally, truly enter Hogwarts castle again.

Exhausted, emotionally and physically, he made his way up to the headmaster's study, cursing every step he had to drag himself up. Why could he not report in the entrance hall or better yet, lying in his bed? He finally reached the room, in which Dumbledore was still sitting awake and sank down before him, his limbs trembling. Without preamble he started

'He called me to inquire about the memorial service.'

Dumbledore looked up, his eyes concerned, when they raked over his involuntarily trembling body.

'There is nothing of import to report but I'll leave the memory with you as always.'

Dumbledore nodded and then gave him tea and biscuits. Snape would have thrown them in the headmaster's face and gone down to his quarters, if he hadn't known they were laced with all the potions he needed. And he needed them dearly and he needed them now. He drank greedily from the cup, grateful that it was not hot.

'Before I release you, Severus, there is a development in Harry's treatment.'

Snape made an impatient movement with his hand, as if swatting away a fly.

'Memories of most his childhood seem to be in a state of lockdown, he can't access them. Thus I have been advised to train him in Occlumency and use Legilimency to help him.'

'Any particular reason I should know this?' Snape snarled, biting into one of the cookies and actually moaning, when the pain releaser in it took effect. Dumbledore ignored his mood and continued

'I will see if my assumptions about the connection between him and Voldemort are true. I may be able to access his mind through Harry's. See if you can find any indication about other Horkruxes, items, incidents or places he mentions.'

Snape nodded, feeling more himself after three more cookies and standing up.

'Will you need assistance?' Dumbledore offered, rising when Severus swayed on his feet a little.

'No!' Snape snapped and then took a deep breath 'Your care is better showered on the brat than on me, headmaster.'

'I have enough for both of you' Dumbledore said kindly, Severus shook his head and left without another word.

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Obliviate' and 'Mandated Counseling'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Obliviate!** by Outlawgal  
Summary: What would have happened if down in the chamber during 2nd year Lockhart did in fact succeed in Obliviating Harry and Ron, causing Ginny to (sadly die) and the return of Voldemort? Will there be a way to return Harry and Ron's memories or will the Wizarding world become overrun by Voldemort and his Death Eaters?

**Mandated Counseling** by kamrynwhowanders  
Summary: After the events of second year, with the Chamber of Secrets, the Board of Governors decides that the students need counseling, and install a school counselor. Your choice where you go with this, but if Harry's abuse is discovered or Severus' prejudices are overcome, that would be wonderful.

* * *

**Chapter Two – Suppressed Memories**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two – Suppressed Memories**

Harry dragged himself up to the headmaster's office, dreading the following lesson in Occlumency. It was hard following Dumbledore's orders of 'clearing his mind', when every lesson brought new memories into sharp focus.

His history with the Dursleys was rather depressing as well. Until now he could only remember one horrible incident after the other. There was rarely anything good in it and when it was, it mostly involved other people than the Dursleys. But there was definitely no denying that the lessons worked for his recovery, every night he lived through more memories and the picture of his past was completing itself fast. It was a tiring process and Harry felt depressed by what was coming to light. Was there no moment in peace in his miserable life until he entered Hogwarts? No wonder he loved the Weasleys better, there wasn't anything to love about the Dursleys! He half wished Dumbledore had never started this unlocking of the past – there was nothing good in it for him.

Harry sighed deeply, as he remembered that Dumbledore was trying to resolve his memory issues so that he could go on to learn proper Occlumency. For every night that he didn't relive the horrible past with his cruel relatives, he was thrown into Voldemort's mind, emotions and actions. He felt himself slip into the monster's skin, when his mind relaxed and watched him torture and kill countless people. Harry was beginning to become as reliable a spy as Snape, Dumbledore had joked weakly one day.

This lesson was no different than any of the others, until now that was. Harry had become accustomed to the way that Dumbledore walked the paths of his mind and unlocked doors after doors of memories. He had left those untouched that had defied his attempts. But now there was no others left and Dumbledore turned to work on the many locks of his mind that prevented a certain memory from surfacing. Harry watched Dumbledore before his mind, gently trying to open the door but failing. A headache was forming behind Harry's eyes but it receded a little, when Dumbledore left his mind, frowning.

'What happened?' Harry asked, rubbing his forehead.

'There is a suppressed memory in your mind, the last to open before everything is unlocked. I believe your mind and magic have worked together in locking it safely even from you own access.'

'What do we do now?'

'Wait and see. It may reveal itself at night, now that I have touched it. I think you will need a swig of Icy Dream Potion, though.'

Harry immediately envisioned himself shivering under the blankets while asleep, but that couldn't be what the Potion did.

'What is it for?'

'If you relive the unlocked memory in your dreams, the potion will dull your emotions during the night, so you can still have a restful sleep.' Dumbledore explained and took out a piece of parchment to write a note on 'Here, give this to Professor Snape, he will provide the potion.'

When Harry sneered while receiving the note, Dumbledore gave him an amused smile and waved him off.

Harry's head was still swimming from the Legilimency, when he knocked on the Potions Master's door and was bid to enter. A bit wobbly on his knees he gave the professor the note and hoped he wouldn't take too much time. Snape frowned at the note, then wordlessly left his office to retrieve the potion from his lab. As he left the office a spot of dizziness overcame Harry. He immediately reached for the desk and held on. It seemed like only a moment later that somebody was shaking his shoulder roughly. As sound rushed back to his mind – accompanied by a horrible swoosh in his ears – he heard his professors voice urge 'Potter! Open your eyes.'

Harry blinked and the office came into focus, he was sitting on the floor in front of the desk, leaning on it. The professor was on his knees, one hand still gripping his shoulder.

'What…?' Harry mumbled, the noise in his ears receding to a dull ache in his head

'I found you passed out here. Why didn't you say you weren't feeling well?'

Harry took a moment to understand the words, before he slowly answered 'It happened suddenly, I only had a headache before.'

Snape scowled at him, then stood up, pulling Harry with him by his arm. He studied the boy for a moment, before he pulled him out of the office. He stalked purposefully in the direction of the infirmary, keeping a strong hold on Harry's arm. After a few steps up the staircase, Harry began to protest.

'I can walk alone!'

'Yes, just the way that you could stand alone in my office for two minutes.' Snape sneered 'I don't want to hear Poppy's admonishments, if you fall and crack your head open, Potter.'

Harry frowned but stopped fussing, following the professor with a grumpy expression and ignoring the curious looks he received from his peers in the hallway. They entered the infirmary and Snape pushed him to one of the beds.

"Get in while I get Madam Pomfrey.' He ordered and then left for the office. He came out a minute later with the nurse, both frowning at Harry 'I told you to get in.'

Harry was sitting on top of the bed, looking ready to bolt any moment

'Mr. Potter, you had better heed the professor's advice.' The matron said sternly waving her wand to cast diagnosis spells. She frowned while going through the readings and then said 'A good night's sleep will be the best remedy. Severus, do you have more Dreamless Sleep on hand?'

'The headmaster advised Icy Dreams, as Potter had an Occlumency lesson just now.'

'Ah.' was all she said, as she received the potion and nodded at him. He gave a short nod back, glanced at Harry and then left the infirmary with billowing robes. The matron stood over Harry until he had taken the potion, then told him to get settled in or else she would have to tuck him in herself. With that threat hanging over him, Harry changed in record time and slipped into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

Harry felt quite nervous, when he entered the headmaster's office a few days later to find Professor Snape sitting there with him.

'Come in, Harry, come in!' the headmaster said kindly, when Harry stopped in his tracks 'I have consulted with Professor Snape about your memory issue and he has agreed to take a look himself to ascertain what we can do.'

Harry came up to the desk, giving his potions professor a timid nod in greeting 'Err… He's better than you then?'

It felt incredible that anybody could be better in anything than the headmaster. Dumbledore gave him a soft smile 'He has more experience in the mind arts, certainly. But I requested his assistance mainly for another opinion. Sometimes an outside view can mean the crucial breakthrough.'

Harry sat down in the chair besides his teacher and turned to look at him. He must have looked ill at ease – he certainly felt so – because Snape said 'Relax'

Harry had scarcely any time to do so, when he already felt another presence in his mind. He dully recognized that the feeling would have been overpowering, if he hadn't had the experience with Dumbledore before. He felt Snape rummaging in his thoughts, a lot less gentle than Dumbledore. Harry started to doubt Snape had any experience with this… Or maybe he just didn't care if he hurt Harry. Either way, it was done before long and Snape had turned away from him to address the headmaster.

'I see what you mean. His mind is fogging and blocking a set of memories… The best way to proceed, I believe, would be to extract them and thus take away his mind's control over them.'

Dumbledore nodded serenely and asked 'Will you assist?'

Snape nodded sharply. Dumbledore stood up and came around the desk 'Harry, we want to extract the memory from your mind, so you can view it in my pensieve. If it works that should unlock those memories and heal your mind completely. I will enter your mind and direct your thoughts toward the foggy memory, Professor Snape will extract it, when I give the sign. Is that alright?'

Harry heard Snape huff and nodded at the headmaster. They did as Dumbledore had asked and Harry felt the cold tip of Snape's wand at his temple, as the fog was extracted from his mind. Harry shuddered at the sensation, which felt a lot like blowing his nose, when it was blocked up during a bad flu. Just as the last remnant of the fog lifted, Harry flinched at his sudden headache and thus severed the mind connection with Dumbledore. And at once pictures and emotions started raining in on him. Without will or effort he was plunged into one locked memory after the other.

_Harry was cleaning the dishes while laughter rang through the living room in Number four Privet Drive. It did not bother him particularly, but he flinched and scurried backwards as he felt a hand descend on his shoulder. When Harry relaxed from his shock, he recognized one of Uncle Vernon's co-workers, who gave him a kind smile._

_'__Working here all alone? Whatever did you do to earn this punishment?'_

_Harry shrugged, feeling wary in front of this stranger. He glanced at the pile of dirty dishes and wished the man would leave, so he could continue washing. He flinched again as the man lay his hands on his shoulders._

_'__Come on, go into your room and have a lie in, you look tired. I'll tell Vernon to lay off you today.'_

_He smiled as his eyes raked over the piles of dishes and looked sympathetic. Harry was indecisive _

_'__Err, I really think I should finish this…'_

_'__Nonsense!' the man said amiably 'But I'll go ask Vernon, just to be sure.'_

_Before Harry could call him back and say that that was a bad idea, the man had entered the living room and after a short conversation, Vernon shouted 'Leave the dishes and go to bed, boy.'_

_Harry couldn't believe his luck. He neatly arranged his dish towel and rubber gloves before turning away to go to his cupboard. But in the corridor he met the man again._

_'__My name's Julian, by the way. And you are…?'_

_'__Harry Potter', Harry answered quietly, a bit spooked by the man, he tentatively made his way across the hall and opened the cupboard under the stairs. He heard the man's footsteps behind him and shivers ran down his spine, when he came to stand very close behind him._

_'__That's your room?'_

_Harry nodded and slipped inside. He thought it would be rather rude to slam the door in his face, especially, when he had just talked Harry out of late night chores, but he didn't feel right with the man. He chewed on his lip, while he retreated into the cupboard, sitting on his makeshift bed and staring at the floor._

_The man had followed him in and crouched in front of him. Too close, far too close! Their knees were almost touching. Julian then reached out and took Harry's chin in his fingers and lifted it to force Harry to look at him. He sucked in a sharp breath._

_'__I thought you were cute before but those eyes… Stunning colour. Beautiful…', he breathed, staring into them. Harry looked away, at the wall, chanting hopelessly in his head for the man to go away and leave him alone. Julian started stroking Harry's cheek and put another hand on his knee. Harry felt like wanting to slap them away, he slid back on the mattress to get out of reach. But all that did was to make Julian chuckle and follow him. His hand descended on Harry's thigh this time, his other hand stroking Harry's hair._

_'__How messy it is, perfect bedroom hair.', he breather huskily and the shivers were back. Harry bit his lip hard and turned his head away, whimpering a little, when the other hand slipped up a little more._

_'__Julian? Where the devil are you? Rick is leaving.', Vernon's voice thundered from above, where he had presumably gone to check if Julian was in the bathroom._

_'__Ah, pity.' Julian purred in Harry's ear 'But I'll be back, my sweet Harry.'_

_A moment later he was gone, leaving Harry with the bad feeling of having just woken up from a nightmare. Only, _this_ had been very real._

Scenes similar to this repeated themselves in front of Harry's mind's eye until he gasped out loud and they fell into place in his memory. He closed his eyes in agony, his head felt split open. Someone had his hands on his shoulder, but the touch made him feel nauseated. He shrugged it off and croaked 'Headache!'

Immediately a vial was pressed into the boy's hand and he drank it down. The draught took effect in a few seconds and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

'Better now, Harry?' Dumbledore asked gently, he was peering at him from above his half moon spectacles 'Do you remember now?'

Tears prickled in Harry's eyes for a moment and he gave a jerky nod.

'Do you still want your memories back?', Dumbledore asked softly 'It will make the experience more… tangible. Your memories right now must be dulled, the emotions hard to grip.'

Harry gave a choked laugh. Dulled? He felt like he'd been plunged into ice water. No wonder his mind had suppressed these memories, he wished he could go back to not remembering. He gulped and asked 'Can I leave them there? I… it's hard.'

Dumbledore stared at him a moment longer, before he gave a sharp nod 'You can have them back whenever you wish.'

Never. Harry didn't want them back. Putting your memories in a pensieve didn't erase them from your mind but as Dumbledore had said, they were dulled, easier to shove away. And this set of memories he wanted shoved away as far as possible. But something else occupied his mind, urgent, like a snake about to strike. Harry sat up straight and looked into the headmaster's eyes imploringly.

'Don't look at them. Please don't look at the memories.', he said and before Dumbledore could answer he added 'Promise!'

Dumbledore looked alarmed, but after a moment he nodded 'As you wish.'

Then Harry turned to Snape and said accusingly 'You did that! You put those in my head.'

Snape looked stunned 'What?'

Harry shook his head wildly, his messy hair flying everywhere 'They can't be real! You put them there, when you were in my head.'

Dumbledore looked concerned now, he tried again to put a consoling hand on Harry's shoulder, but Harry shrugged it off. 'That is not possible, Harry. One cannot plant memories with Legilimency.'

'You said yourself he has more practice than you do! Maybe he found a way.' Harry said stubbornly

'Why don't we peruse the memory then? See if we can find inaccuracies?' Snape said coldly and Harry jumped up

'No! You can't watch that.' he said and stood between the two men and the memory

Snape evidently wanted to argue, when Albus raised a hand to silence him 'I promised you, I wouldn't watch it. You know what, Harry? I will put them in a vial, seal it and put it in my drawer. Whenever you wish, you can come and take it in again.'

Harry looked behind his shoulder into the pensieve, then back at Dumbledore. He should take it now, but putting it into his head would make it fresh and real. He shivered 'Can't we… destroy it?'

Dumbledore shook his head 'The moment the vessel is destroyed, the memory will find you and enter your mind again. You can take it with you in the vial if you wish.'

Harry shook his head. The danger of the vial breaking, while he transported it through the castle or on his way back to Surrey was too high 'No, please keep it for me, headmaster.'

'You are not really going to simply put it in a desk drawer?' Snape sneered 'We need to see what it is, we need to know…'

Harry gasped, trying to say something, when the headmaster interrupted

'I gave him a promise, Severus and I don't intend to break it' Dumbledore replied softly and sealed the vial

'I didn't' Snape said coldly 'Give it to me.'

'No' Dumbledore calmly, Harry sighed in relief and Snape sneered again

'You cannot be serious! Whatever happened has shaken him enough to deny it outright. He won't even take them back. It must be… Well, frankly I don't know what it is, with the way the muggles must be worshipping him, but…'

Dumbledores lips set in a firm line as he shook his head regretfully 'No, Severus. In fact he has had a similar upbringing as you…'

Snape openly snorted at that 'Sure'

'You don't know anything about me' Harry said at the same time, anger making his face literally go red, but then Harry rounded on Dumbledore 'If you know how they are, why do I have to go back there again?'

Dumbledore actually wavered a moment. He had seen horrible things in Harry's memories. A plethora of emotional verbal abuse, physical abuse by his cousin and neglect to a dangerous extent. However, if he let the wards fall, Harry would simply be killed. Unhappy, abused, neglected – still, he was alive. Dumbledore could not chance Harry's life for his happiness. He sadly shook his head.

'I am very sorry, Harry. You will return to the Dursley's home this summer and every following summer until you are of age or Voldemort has been defeated.'

Harry stared at him blankly. His fury giving way to a numb disbelieve. Dumbledore knew, he had seen. Yes, he had not seen the last part, nothing about Julian, but he knew about the Dursleys. And he was sending him back. Bile rose in Harry's throat and tears prickled for a moment in his eyes, before he hardened his features and said coldly 'My mind is healed now, though. So can we stop Occlumency?'

'Stupid boy!' Snape spat and Harry flinched, when he remembered his potions master listening to the whole exchange 'The headmaster has not merely been healing your mind, he has been shielding it from the Dark Lord. You should be begging on your knees for him to never stop his instruction!'

Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape and spat 'Well, I won't. I don't want Dumbledore in my head anymore.'

'You disrespectful, ungrateful little…' Snape began furiously, but then cut himself off, an evil grin forming on his features 'Well, whether or not you receive instruction in mind magic is not up to you, is it? And the only option beside the headmaster to teach you would be me. So who is it going to be, boy? Professor Dumbledore or me?'

Harry stared blankly at him for a moment, then glanced at Dumbledore and back again, before he calmly replied 'You, Sir.'

The room went quiet at that. Both professors stared at Harry, trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. Both probably debating if he had lost it. Harry crossed his arms and stared calmly back at them. He was sure that Snape had planted those horrible memories of Julian – oh, he didn't think that Julian didn't exist. He just thought that the man was one of Vernon's colleagues, maybe a bit creepy but not a… monster. Snape had put those false memories in his mind and now wanted to show them to Dumbledore through Harry's Occlumency. Maybe he wanted Harry to go to an asylum or hospital. The man had always tried to get him kicked out of Hogwarts…

But no, he would not let that happen. He would train with Snape now and try to find out how he had done it. It was also true that he did not want Dumbledore near his mind ever again, after he had so blatantly ignored Harry's well-being and disappointed his trust by wanting to send him back. He would set this straight, all of it.

Dumbledore slowly nodded and said 'Please schedule sessions with Professor Snape.'

'What?' Snape asked incredulously 'The little brat demands to be taught by someone else and you acquiesce? How am I to hide this from Him, Albus?'

'You will do as admirably as you have already proved yourself capable of, Severus. He is not going to detect your hand in Harry's mind. I have already carved the paths in Harry's mind, you will simply mould them, so your signature will not be detectable, should Voldemort try to posses Harry.'

Harry didn't get half of what was being said, but he did shudder at the thought of being possessed. It hadn't gone well for Ginny, had it?

'And as you well know, Occlumency relies heavily on trust. If Harry refuses to be taught by me, there is precious little I can do, other than force my presence onto his mind. And you know how difficult it would be to get anywhere with that way of instruction.'

'Oh yes, I forgot' Severus spat venomously, completely forgetting the young Gryffindor's presence 'Potter and I have such a close bond of trust and mutual respect; we are the perfect pair for Occlumency lessons. It will be a walk in the park!'

Dumbledore raised one eyebrow, before he replied coolly 'Maybe you should try harder to get along with him and if Mr. Potter wants to be instructed by you rather than me, he will endeavour the same.'

Harry didn't react but Snape gave a low growl of disappointment. Set on making Harry pay for this, he turned around and snarled 'Give me your schedule, we'll see how long it will take me to make you sick of Occlumency!'

* * *

And thus their lessons began, but not without Snape being thoroughly admonished from Dumbledore. He was to make a real effort in teaching Harry and try to contain his resentment at least while Harry was learning Occlumency. Most of all, he was forbidden from trying to reach Harry's secret memories.

'Prepare yourself, Potter!'

'How?' Harry cried annoyed with his teacher and backed off a little, raising his wand in defence.

'Wand away!' Snape snapped and then growled 'Close your eyes and try to relax.'

Harry sent him an incredulous look and Snape rolled his eyes, he tucked away his own wand and raised his hands. He was standing behind the desk in a safe distance, still Harry did not feel comfortable standing there, defenceless before his professor.

'Close them!' Snape demanded and Harry complied unwillingly 'Now, listen to my voice and let yourself fall.' Harry frowned at the mere thought of it

'You are at sea. The wind is blowing salty air and droplets into your face and hair. You can feel the warm sand under your feet. Your hair is blowing around your face…'

Harry felt the tenseness drain from his shoulders and back. He slowly slid into the chair behind him without even noticing 'Waves are breaking and water is spilling over your feet, washing the sand off them.'

The voice was closer now, but Harry was imagining the freedom of the sea, slumped in the chair. His own mind was now providing the scenery. He could see the blue and grey sea, white foam of breaking waves and the endless sky above. He could practically feel the sand between his toes, the air brushing his fringe away from his face and disarranging his shirt around his shoulders…

Wait. Harry frowned. That was not the sea, not the wind on his shoulders. He tensed, when he realised that the gentle weight could not come from air, but belonged to a pair of hands.

'Shh…' he heard a familiar voice directly behind him and tensed even further 'Relax, Harry. The sea. You are not alone there. You came with…'

Harry went back to his imagination and turned around in his mind to the person, who had put those hands on his shoulders. He gave a little gasp, when he saw brown eyes, messy hair and round glasses 'Dad'

The fingers tensed on his shoulders, but only for a moment. It felt like recognition. James smiled down on him and said 'Yes, Harry?'

Harry felt his heart jumping in his chest, when he whispered 'I missed you.'

'I know Harry' James answered 'I missed you too'

'I wish I could stay with you, Dad.' Harry's voice was trembling now 'It would be so much better. Where's mum?

Again, the fingers tensed, but James kept smiling 'Oh, this is a father-son outing, Harry. Your mother is staying with her girlfriends. A well deserved vacation from her boys.' James grinned at him and Harry grinned back 'So, what do you want to do?'

'Can we…' Harry began and then stopped abruptly

'Yes, Harry? Whatever you wish.'

Harry nodded to himself and then asked in a shy voice 'A sandcastle. Will you make one with me?'

James smiled softly and nodded. He immediately went down on his knees and started gathering wet sand. Harry went down too and started helping his father. He felt happy to burst, while they worked together and James instructed him on making the castle. Harry was so emerged in his fantasy world that it took Snape several attempts at rousing him from it.

'Mr. Potter' he said for presumably the tenth time and Harry finally opened his eyes. He blinked at Snape blearily, who for some reason was sitting beside him instead of behind his desk 'Are you back now?'

Harry blinked a few times and Snape came into sharper focus. The man was scowling at him, looking almost worried. Harry shook his head. That wasn't right. 'Yeah… I mean. Yes, Sir'

Snape gave a sharp nod and went back to his usual seat 'Today I let you emerge yourself in your fantasy. Tomorrow we will have you using components of it in an attempt to build shields.'

Harry frowned at him, it seemed incredibly difficult to make sense of these words 'Huh?'

Snape raised an eyebrow 'I better accompany you to the tower.'

* * *

Harry learned to use the fake memory of his father, his touch and the sea as his shields. But as the school year was fast approaching its end, he was not able to throw Snape off yet. It was their last lesson and Harry was sitting in his usual chair, breathing hard and gaining back control of his trembling limbs. Snape set a pepper-up potion in front of him and Harry took it with a short word of thanks.

'You know how to shield your dreams now. I do not expect that you will experience a direct attack any time soon as you will be safe in your relatives' home.'

Harry frowned at that 'I still have to go there?'

Snape pressed his lips together unwillingly and gave a nod. Walking through memory lane with Harry Potter was extremely frustrating and depressing. There were seldom any happy memories and most of them were centred around everyday grievances, received from his aunt and uncle. His cousin played the part of a school bully, but was otherwise unproblematic.

Every memory, it seemed, was connected with something bitter and unfair. Even those he could feel were happy memories to Harry, seemed dark and depressing to Snape, as they mostly consisted of a small black haired boy playing alone in a cupboard. It made Snape shiver with indignation.

A wizard child locked up for his magic. The irony of it was almost laughable. Wizards had been locking up Squibs for centuries and Muggleborns had never had an easy lot for their lack of magical heritage. Yet the heir to the Potter line was locked in a cramped space, brought up as a house-elf by muggles.

Snape had appealed to Dumbledore to remove him from there, only to be reminded of the blood wards. Even though there was a little physical abuse and a plethora of emotional abuse, it was still better than death. There was no arguing with that logic. With Voldemort on the loose, Harry was in danger.

Harry's shoulders drooped but he gave a little nod at that 'Well, thanks for your help, sir.'

Snape relaxed a little, for quite some time they had developed a civil relationship. Snape had met a new Harry Potter, the one his colleagues had been talking about: an unassuming, respectful, kind boy. Snape even got to see a side of him, he had not shown his other professors. He had joked with him. Granted, it was a bitter joke made after a particularly nasty memory, but Severus appreciated sarcasm.

'It did not do you any good. Nonetheless, you will at least be able to protect your thoughts…'

Harry gave a bitter smile and scratched his arm. Snape stared a little.

'You have been scratching your arm for a while now. Do you need a potion?' Snape asked casually, he had seen the behaviour since they started their Occlumency lessons and had been hard pressed to remember a time in the year before to have ever seen it. He wondered if the boy had developed an allergy. But Harry's reaction was more worrying than that. He froze and stiffened at the question. Then he sent Snape a nervous, questioning look underneath his fringe. When he didn't see what he feared, he relaxed visibly.

'No, I'm alright' he blatantly lied. Snape knew if he was being lied to, but he couldn't imagine why Harry would be lying about an allergy or any other kind of injury.

'Well, if you need medical attention you know Madam Pomfrey will be glad to help.' Harry nodded, seemingly relieved 'And if you feel… embarrassed to go to her… you may approach me.'

It was quite a step forward in their relationship for Snape to offer this and Harry gave him a shy little smile in acknowledgement of it.

When Harry left Hogwarts the next week and Snape stood at the gates of Hogwarts with his colleagues to watch the children ride the carriages, he felt like he was missing something. But as his arm started to tingle and burn in the next instant all thought about the green eyed boy left his mind. This had happened on numerous occasions before, sometimes even interrupting their lessons. He just didn't have the mind to care for the pre-teen as well…

* * *

Thank you for adding the story to the potionsandsnitches community! And thanks of course to all of you readers for commenting, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Supressed memories' and 'The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pensieve'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Suppressed memories** by Jan_AQ Summary: When Snape and Harry practice Occlumency or some sort of mind magic, they stumble upon suppressed memories in either Snape or Harry. One believes the other planted them there.

**The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pensieve** by Dream Painter Summary: A shocking memory has been secreted away into somebody's pensieve. Whose memory is it and what does it contain? More importantly, how is it that this one memory alters everything for a certain Potions Master and the unwitting hero of the Wizarding World?

* * *

**Chapter Three – Better...**

(Had to cut the chapter title short, sorry Spoilers!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three – Better run away**

Harry entered Privet Drive with great trepidation. He knew now that the memories still residing in Dumbledore's office were not fake. He still hadn't been able to tell Snape or the headmaster what they contained. Harry sighed. He was going to be thirteen soon. Julian could go hang himself, he would not let the man touch him again. Determined to make it through the following three months intact, he set about his usual routine of washing, cooking and cleaning as per aunt Petunia's instruction. It took Vernon only a few days to come out with the news that would change everything.

'Boy!' he shouted as Harry was kneeling and weeding in the backyard one afternoon. Harry looked behind his shoulder and then followed the beckoning finger into the house. Vernon pointed at the kitchen table and Harry sat down. Uncle Vernon remained standing 'We are going on vacation.'

Harry blinked and waited for the axe to fall.

'The company has graciously provided us with a vacation to the Bermuda's for my efforts' Vernon puffed out his chest a bit 'That is, your aunt, Dudley and me.'

Harry already resigned himself to have a prolonged stay at Mrs. Figg's, when Vernon delivered the death blow 'You will be staying with a colleague of mine.'

Harry stared at Vernon and choked 'Who?'

'Julian Fowler.', Vernon said, looking as if he doubted Harry even knew who that was. He didn't notice the blood draining from his nephew's face 'Great bloke. Heard about the company giving me the vacation and that it was family only, which of course excludes you. He offered to take you for the time. You should be grateful.'

With that Vernon turned around to leave the kitchen. Harry felt his arms burning as well as his eyes and scrubbed his hands up and down his forearms, before making a decision. He jumped up and grabbed his uncle's shirt to stop him. Vernon turned around, scowling down at him. Harry let go at once.

'Please…' he whimpered 'Don't leave me with him… He… he touched me.'

Vernon stared at him. Harry stared back. It seemed like he wanted to determine if the boy was saying the truth. Then he shook his head in a bemused way and simply said 'Back to the weeds, boy.'

* * *

It was that same night, that Harry heard his aunt and uncle arguing.

'Oh Vernon, please! That is absolutely ridiculous. He is making it up to destroy our vacation.'

Vernon gave a grunting noise. Hard to tell if it was a confirmation. Harry rubbed his forearms together and winced at the pain that flared up.

'And he came out with it after you told him about the vacation.'

'Well, he is certainly not coming with us, Petunia.' Vernon soothed 'I rather thought that mad neighbor of ours could take him… you know, the one with the cats?'

Harry could practically see aunt Petunia crossing her arms 'She is unavailable, I already asked. Come on, Vernon, since when do you believe the boy's incessant lies? He will stay with Julian, who is a perfectly respectable young bachelor, and we will go have a freak free time for a change.'

This time there was no question about it: Vernon's grunt _was_ affirmative. And that was all Harry needed to hear. Determined not to get into Julian's clutches, even for a minute let alone weeks, he packed up a bag with his most treasured possessions. He congratulated himself on having given Hedwig to Hermione and his broom to Ron for safekeeping. He only had his school books and clothes left. As he would need new books next year anyway, he decided to leave those as well. His wand, a few clothes, his money and a bit of stolen food from the fridge would suffice.

Harry waited for his aunt and uncle to go up to bed, then waited a little longer, so they would be deeply asleep. Then he crept out of his room with his bag and left the house, never to return.

He made it to Wisteria Walk before he took out his wand, cursing his own stupidity. Voldemort was on the loose again, with his luck he would be lurking at the end of the street! But that did not happen, instead he heard a loud bang and fell over backwards. When he glanced up, his mouth fell open – the Knight Bus had arrived to get him safely to London.

Harry knew, if he stayed in the Leaky Cauldron he would be found out in about 15 Minutes. So he waited until a large group of people entered the pub and then followed in their wake to Diagon Alley. There he was happy to buy a few charmed lotions from an apothecary. Right behind the shop he started applying them, colouring his hair auburn instead of pitch black – the assistant had said it would last a week, before he had to reapply it – and hiding his scar with a vanishing spell that 'witches swear on!'. He had also gotten himself a tanning cream, that he spread generously on his face, hands and arms up to his elbows.

When he looked into a glass front, he was satisfied that no one who knew him would immediately make him out. And he still had more creams and potions in his bag for further transformation. But for now he was safe to walk through Diagon Alley. As it was late, there were not many people here at any rate. He slipped into Knockturn Alley and slowly made his way up to a dingy pub with smoky windows. Knockturn Alley was fuller than its sister street, Harry guessed that most people here liked to make their business in the safety of the night.

Harry entered the pub and went up to the old landlady, lazing about in the back. He had a plan made out already and for once his runty appearance helped him out a bit.

'Err… Madam.' The old woman looked up to him with a bored expression, he tried to look young and vulnerable 'I wanted to ask… Erm… Do you need help around here? I can do maid duty or waiter or assist in the kitchen…' He had this whole story about being an orphan and getting the Hogwarts letter, having no money and being thrown out by his relatives… But in the end the lady only stared at him and nodded.

'You can stay for free in the smallest room and get 10 sickles a day for helping around the pub.' She grunted, sounding very much like Vernon 'You will do all the work I say, mind you.'

Harry nodded vigorously and she told him where his room was. It was barely better than the cupboard under the stairs but it was enough until he could go back to Hogwarts. As it was, he settled into the room and soon began doing room service, dusting and helping in the kitchen. Seldom, he would be required to stand in for the waiter, as he went out to have a smoke or get lunch himself.

Harry earned enough money to buy his books and supplies without having to go to Gringotts. He got himself a new bag as well, with extension and featherlight charms on it. It was enough to stash all his belonging in now, as they were growing exponentially. He had left his bulky trunk in Surrey as well. Most of the space was occupied by the books of course. Additionally to the books, Harry had found a black journal at Dervish and Banges – making sure it did not write back. But Harry had also gotten himself some new clothes, that actually fit. He still had the two Weasley jumpers, so he only got himself a few nice second-hand shirts, a few warm pairs of socks and other winter gear for the frosting cold Scotland Christmas time.

Working on his essays, Harry frowned as he reached Divination. He would be taking up the subject next year and all teachers of elective subjects had given students test readings and essays to prepare for the coming year. Harry read the essay title and felt like he must have misread

'What do you wish for Christmas?'

What kind of stupid question was that? He was not in preschool, why did he have to answer this? He looked at the reading for Divination, that cleared his questions up a little. In the Divining Arts there was a phenomenon called 'Future Carving', it meant that true Seers could change the path of the future with their dreams and wishes alone. As a little test the students were required to write about what they wished to receive at Christmas and see if their wishing for it led to anything. Harry thought the whole thing quite idiotic, no amount of wishing had ever gotten him anything from the Dursleys after all. So he opted to write about a wish he knew would never come true:

'I want to have a parent for Christmas.'

* * *

Harry had finished his essays and sometimes, when the Pub was fairly empty, he got periods of free time. Harry would wander Knockturn Alley at daytime and explore all the shops. He was surprised to see that he was not the only child and that no adult ever asked him whom he was with. Just as the landlady, they did not ask questions and did not make it their business as long as you did not cross them. Harry came along a few interesting people in all shapes and forms. He watched street sellers giving out Wolfsbane potion around the full moon for horrendously high prices. But the really interesting thing was, when a boy his age spoke to him one day, giving him a little package with blue crystals in it.

'That's Blues, dissolve it in water and drink it. If you like the effect, come back next week, same time, same place.' With that he was gone in the mass of people streaming in from Diagon Alley. Harry stared at the small package and tried the strange substance as soon as he got home. And he experienced the most amazing dreams he had ever had. He had thought that fantasy with his father at the sea had been amazing. But this stuff got him dreaming about both his parents in a wonderful home, caring for him, loving him, laughing with him… being proud of him. He lost time. Hours on a stretch until the landlady would come banging at his door. Harry rather thought it was his former sleeplessness that caused the drug to take a severe effect on him. He had started getting horrible nightmares and Blues was the only thing that turned them into something bearable, even pleasant. The crystals were finished sooner than expected and the next week he stood at same corner. And as promised, same time, same place, the other boy met him with a grin. He sent a glance at Harry's forearms and said 'Knew you'd come back.'

It costs him almost all his earnings to get another bag. But it was so worth it, seeing his parents approve of his friendship with Hermione and Ron. Hearing them rant about the Dursleys. Telling him that they did not blame him for their deaths or Ginny's death. That is wasn't his fault Voldemort had returned. It felt like heaven. But too soon, Blues was finished again and Harry had to start saving money for his next bag.

* * *

Harry felt better with every week, as meals were included in his stay at the pub, even though Blues took a lot of energy. He mostly cooked his meals himself or ate from customers who hadn't touched their plate – that happened more often than Harry would have believed. But this was the difference between Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley. Most people who came to eat here, stuffed themselves and were gone before you could get a better look at them. Some of them would spot an enemy of some kind and bolt without touching their food. Harry and the waiter got to finish off those treats. As it were one day, John the waiter came into the kitchen and said 'Goin' for a smoke, Ben. Can you take the orders and stuff?'

Ben was Harry's alias and he nodded at John, before wiping his hands and going outside with the next order. He gave it to a lady wrapped in bandages from head to toe, with only a slit open for her mouth. As he turned away he saw a man, clad in black, raise his hand to pay. Harry nodded at the man in the distance and got the cashing bag from the counter. He went up to him and almost froze in shock, as he realized who it was. Snape was sitting there, casually counting coins in his palm to pay for his meal.

'That will be…' Harry's voice shook a little and he was more than grateful that it had begun to break this summer. He hoped that his professor would not recognize it. He glanced at the magical cashing bag, which showed the bill. He was yanked from his reverie, as Snape suddenly grabbed his arm and shook him. Harry gasped at the pain.

'Potter!', he hissed angrily, Harry looked up, ready to come up with his cover story but he never got that far. Snape plunged into his mind and Harry frantically started Occluding, which was more than a give away. He was glad, when Snape let go of his mind, as he was still holding Harry by the arm and it was hurting madly. 'What in Merlin's name are you doing here, stupid boy? We are searching for you everywhere!'

Harry hissed as Snape's fingers closed tighter around his forearm, he wriggled and Snape loosened his grip a little.

'I… couldn't stay… there…'

Snape stared at him incredulously. Harry didn't know what was happening but suddenly his vision was closing in. Before he knew it, he had collapsed all over Snape's lap, earning a curse word he couldn't make out any longer.

* * *

Blues does not belong to any challenge, even if I am sure there is at least one about Harry getting addicted to a magical drug. What did you think?

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Harry runs away from Privet Drive' You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Runaway Harry** by Lillielle  
Summary: Fed up with the Dursleys and their treatment, Harry runs away. All would have been fine if he hadn't managed to run into Severus Snape. Must-Have: The Dursleys' treatment of Harry is worse than in the books (you decide how much worse). Harry runs away and manages to survive on his own for a decent amount of time before running into Snape (e.g., he doesn't run off Privet Drive and end up banging into him). Snape finds out about the Dursleys' treatment, and his relationship with Harry changes in some way for the better. It must be set after first year.

* * *

**Chapter Four – Cut Away The Pain**


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you guys so much for all the support you are showing this story, to show my gratitude I'm already posting the next chapter :)

Thanks to:  
**Anna **  
**Amarenima Redwood  
****Reader AZ**  
**SakuraKoi  
xDarklightx  
****BlueWater5  
DarkRavie**  
**kat**  
**notwritten**  
** andy0295:** I didn't want to make you cry but I can't pretend I'm not glad I could touch you that much. Thanks for sharing and I hope I can make you smile and laugh too  
** Chantilly's Mom:** I hope you liked the following chapters and the harry in it more :)  
** PadfootIsMyHomeDawg**: Yeah, taking the drug might seem dumb to you, I have to admit there is not much context there. I had to write the story very fast so there will always be a bit where context is missing or not detailed enough. In this case he is self medicating, because Blues makes him dream pleasant dreams instead of dealing with his nightmares. A bit like Dreamless Sleep, only better ;) But yeah, taking it in the first place was dumb - he is 12, soon 13 years old without any adult guidance.  
** The Lonely God With a Box:** Ah, no I don't think Hogwarts does stranger danger, they are very old fashioned and living in close knit family circles. The kid who sells the drug is also Harrys age and that kind of makes him feel safer with him. Harry dreads and mistrusts adults, not so much children. also he is self medicating with it. Severus has him now but... well, you'll see ;)**  
Jess:** If you don't like it you are very welcome not to read it. Commenting that you don't like this sort of story is like going to a club that plays Jazz music without knowing it and instead of walking out, telling the musicians that you don't like their type of music. They don't care, they're playing for those who want to listen to it. Little tip: mostly these stories are marked as 'severitus' or 'sevitus' - so you can avoid them in future.

Sorry if I forgot anyone, you are allowed to throw virtual tomatoes at me ;)

* * *

**Chapter Four – Cut Away The Pain**

When Harry next woke up, he was in an unknown place. He groaned and sat up, grabbing for his glasses and flinching hard, when he realized he wasn't alone. Snape strode in and frowned at him.

'Good, you're awake.' He said in a voice Harry had never heard before 'There are things we need to discuss.'

Harry nodded and then rushed 'I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have left like that… I just…'

Snape raised a hand, then sat down on the bed. Harry found that quite odd but didn't comment.

'Your little stunt has been dealt with. It is forgiven and forgotten. There are other matters we need to talk about.' What else was there, really? 'As I healed your injuries I…'

Harry stared at him. It wasn't like Snape to be speechless, but as he reached out and grabbed Harry's wrist, he suddenly knew with certainty what his teacher was talking about. His breathing quickened, when Snape rolled up his pyjama sleeves to reveal his bandaged forearms.

'Did you know that you were developing an infection, you foolish child?'

Harry stared down at his arm. No one was supposed to know. He had hidden it so well. He had even healed most of the cuts with the salve from the apothecary. It was in control. Snape tipped his chin up.

'When I realized that you had been harming yourself, I could no longer restrain myself. I needed to know what had caused it. I watched your memory.'

Harry paled as he thought about the memory in Dumbledore's desk. He shoved those horrible moments away again and they slid back into the background.

'Why didn't you tell anyone, Harry?' Snape inquired, squeezing his wrist 'We would have never sent you back.'

'You sent me back even though you knew how they treated me for almost all my life.' Harry whispered, pulling his hand back and freeing his chin 'Why would this be any different? It's more of the same.'

Snape stared at him, trying to figure out what to say. He finally opted for facts 'When I found you, your arm was infected and you were running a fever. I was able to heal you completely, especially your arms, but you need to understand that this cannot go on. At some point you would lose control. Had I not found you, I shudder to think where this infection may have led you, especially as you were alone in a place like Knockturn Alley… After watching your pensieved memories the headmaster and I have decided to put you under constant supervision.' When Harry wanted to interrupt, Snape spoke over him 'I know you are probably not suicidal but you need to understand that this is not healthy behavior and find a different way to deal with your… problems.'

'What does that mean? I'm going back to the Dursleys or are you sending me to a hospital?'

'You will be staying with me.' Snape said 'This was my room, when I was a child.'

Harry's mouth fell open. The room seemed to have been stripped of all Snape's belongings, it looked bare, with only old furniture in it.

'I am not staying here!' Harry said indignantly

'Where are you going then?' Snape asked sharply 'You are not going back to that pub and most certainly not to the Dursleys.'

Harry scowled at him 'And I'm not staying here either! How do I know you won't be worse than them?'

'How dare you?' Snape hissed angrily, his eyes narrowing 'I have saved your sorry behind time and again! Have you ever come to any harm in my presence? Did I beat you or neglect you? Did I let anyone touch you, while you were in my care?'

'No, but that wasn't too hard at Hogwarts was it?' Harry spat back 'Instead you have taken every opportunity to make me feel unwanted and like a freak – just like the Dursleys!'

'Have I done that recently? When you were learning to occlude, did I mistreat you in any way?'

Harry thought back to that time and realized that, indeed, Snape had been decent to him. Even during potions class he had refrained from belittling him. But that was hardly the point, so Harry gave a derisive snort 'Oh yeah, a few weeks of neutrality mean that years of abuse are forgotten then?'

'Years!' Snape gasped

'Yeah, two years.' Harry said triumphantly and gave an ugly grin

Snape's temper flared – it was already scratched open by finding the little runt in a pub in one of the notoriously dangerous places in Wizarding Britian, learning that he was self-harming and why and now getting attitude for opening his home to him.

'You will stay here and make no mistake, if you misbehave I will personally drag you back to the Dursleys and dump you without looking back. You seem to be so keen on going there at any rate!'

Harry stared open mouthed at that threat. How could Snape say that to him? How could he endanger him like that? Harry would rather die than go back to the Dursleys. Julian. No, he wouldn't!

'Now, it will be better for you to rest. Dreamless Sleep is still in your system. If you close your eyes, you should drift to sleep easily.' With that Snape stood up and left the room. Harry stared at his retreating back and already began to formulate a plan.

Harry stared at the ceiling. He hated this, he hated all of it. He had been fine back in the pub, John and the landlady were relatively nice and he was earning himself good money. So what if he had started to cut himself? He had begun that back in Hogwarts, when the memory had surfaced and no one had even realized it.

It had all become too much to handle on his own – loosing his memories, regaining them only to realize what a miserable life he'd had and that Ginny had died because he hadn't been good enough, that Voldemort was back and to top it all of: Julian.

At first he had done nothing more than scratching his arms whenever the memory would assault him. Because even though it was dulled through being pensieved, it wasn't gone. At some point he had scratched his skin open and reveled at the feeling. The outside pain drove away the pain inside, the warm trickle of blood on his cold skin felt paralyzing and he had emulated that feeling by scratching again. The relief hadn't dulled and whenever it felt too much, he had found a loo and repeated the process. It worked wonders. It helped him stay rooted and function through the end of year. Leaning against the cool wall of the toilet stall, feeling the warm blood on his arm, it was like a dream, like escaping. But now he wouldn't be able to do that here, would he?

Harry felt angry and humiliated. Snape had had no right to pry into his business like that. What was it to him if he cut his whole arm open? Why did he care if Julian hurt him or the Dursleys slaved him? He was no better than any of them! Yes, he may not have beaten him or worked him like a house elf. Yeah, he was never abused while on Snape's watch – but what did all of that matter, when it was Snape himself, who would cut his already minimal ego to shreds every time he walked into his classroom. And a few weeks of refraining from being a total git didn't do much good either did they? Not when Snape had known what was waiting for Harry back at Privet Drive – at least partially – and had done nothing to help him. Who really was _he_, to be talking!

And furthermore: Why would Harry need to stay with this man? Yes, he had not beaten or hurt him in any way – recently – but that didn't mean Harry was going to give him a chance to! He was better off alone than with Snape, who was a complete mystery to him. And who would come safe him from an adult wizard? Dumbledore? Harry snorted at that and then sneered. Yeah, right, like he had with Dursleys? No, Harry would escape as long as Snape thought him too weak to and this time, he would not be found out.

As he had done for the Dursleys, Harry waited for the right time to make his escape. The same night found Harry at Snape's grate, taking floo powder and throwing it in, shouting 'The Burrow!'

In a whirlwind of flames he arrived at the sleeping house. Harry coughed and stumbled out. He should have come here from the beginning but he still felt so guilty about Ginny, he couldn't face the Weasleys. Still, this was a hundred times better than Snape! Even if the Weasleys couldn't take him, he could make his escape from here again. They wouldn't give him up to Snape, he just knew!

As Harry righted his glasses and put his bag down, he looked around in the familiar cozy living room. It would be great if he could stay here and maybe come back for the holidays as well. Ah, Christmas at the Burrow would be great. It may even fulfill his wish for a Christmas present: to get a family. A smile lit up his face until a cold voice rang through the room.

'Ah, you look so much like your father, Harry.'

Harry spun around and found himself faced by a fat, balding man, who had an uncanny resemblance to a rat. Peter Pettigrew had found the prize to pay for returning safely into the Dark Lord's circle.

* * *

I know this is a short chapter but a lot happens and it's kind of a key chapter to unlock what's still to come. And sorry for the Cliffy ;)

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Harry does Self Harm' and 'Out of luck'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

If you are suicidal enough to hear my voice, you can hear me reading the first story in my first series 'love is...' in english "Audiobook ~ Love is a charm ~ Intro &amp; Prologue" on youtube:

wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcom /watch?v=00dwjSDjhmY

**Harry does Self** Harm by kopa  
Summary: Harry starts doing self harm. No one one knows about it until one night Ron sees cuts on Harry's arms. Hagrid finds out and goes mad. What Snape does you can decide.

**Out of Luck** by Nightshade sydneylover150  
Summary: Harry's luck runs out and he finds out why children are not meant to do adult's work. What happens and what part does Severus play?

* * *

**Chapter Five – To lose you**


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to ll of you for commenting. I fear I have developed a love for Cliffhangers...

* * *

**Chapter Five – To lose you**

Pettigrew couldn't believe his own luck. As the family rat he had obviously been right in the middle of every discussion and could glean from it that the Dark Lord had indeed returned. Never having changed back into his human self for more than 10 years, his Dark Mark had lain dormant. He had been planning his escape from the Weasleys and return to his Lord, but he knew his master too well. He knew that crawling back to him on his hands and knees would not get him any favor with the Dark Lord. So being supposed dead until the right opportunity presented itself, was the wisest decision he could take, even Pettigrew understood that much.

But who would have thought the best opportunity would present itself in the form of Harry Potter, practically stumbling into his arms? Scabbers had been trying to find scraps in the kitchen - the twins liked to hide their vegetables instead of eating them - when he heard the floo. Curious who would be flooing in at this time of night, Scabbers had gone investigating and been faced with a smile of fate - Harry Potter, alone, defenseless, ready to grab!

Pettigrew did just that and spun on the spot. Harry immediately emptied his stomach on the walk, while Pettigrew drew up the sleeve of his left arm and sent a summon to his master. In return his arm started to burn and with a whimper, he grabbed Harry again and apparated a second time. Harry felt too disoriented, being apparated twice and for the very first time in his life, that he didn't realize Pettigrew falling to his knees or the person he was standing right in front of.

'My Lord, my most gracious Lord. I wish to return to your side and to convince you of my sincerity… Look at the present I brought you!'

At that Harry looked up and felt his insides turn cold. Voldemort in all his horrible glory - red eyed, snake faced, slit nosed - stood right before him. Harry felt his knees weaken but didn't disgrace himself by falling to them.

'Harry Potter.' Voldemort said, his voice trembling with euphoria 'Indeed, Wormtail, a gift that will spare you the pain you doubtlessly deserve.'

Wormtail trembled on his knees, his head bent low.

'Leave me with my guest, Wormtail. I will summon you, when I have need.'

Wormtail was gone with a plop and Harry almost wished he had stayed, whoever he was. He couldn't suppress the shudder that went through him, when Voldemort tipped his chin up with his wand and smiled a satisfied, cruel smile at him.

'Oh my sweet child, do not fear for your life. You are far more precious, more important than that. You will stay hidden, the apple of my eye, until I have use for you.' Voldemort purred 'How fortunate to have finally gotten to you. For in the Chamber I realized something. You are so important to me, that I cannot tell you how I shudder from remembering, that I was putting your life on the line before. To think I had almost harmed myself!'

Voldemort stepped even closer, leaning down to speak into Harry's face directly 'You see. That day I lost everything and marked you'

He moved his wand to Harry's forehead and pushed his fringe away to show the lightning bolt scar. 'That day I was stripped from my body to live the miserable life of a restless spirit – as I told you before, I believe – but I realized this was not all! My soul had been split as well and a part of it resides right here.'

He traced the scar with the tip of his wand, smiling cruelly 'So, my precious, darling child. I will keep you safe and tucked away. Which of course does _not_ mean…' Voldemort leaned closer to Harry's ear and whispered 'unharmed.'

Even though Harry was trembling from fear, he scratched up his Gryffindor courage and turned his head just enough to spit directly into Voldemort's ear. As satisfying as it was, it was certainly a horrible mistake. Voldemort shouted an enraged 'Crutio!' and Harry lay writhing, screaming on the floor.

'I see.' Voldemort said after lifting the curse 'I see, there is still a lot to learn. But make no mistake. You will learn, my pet. You will never defy me again.'

* * *

Those words were the starting shot for a whole series of tortures. With the help of magic, he would be healed in an instant, only to be tortured again. He felt his mind splitting at the agony. But the Death Eaters saw it as a game to bring up one reason or another and have the Dark Lord inflict pain over pain on the small thirteen year old. They would leave the wounds for the night, to fester and throb, to sting and burn, so he could barely sleep. The next morning they would come back and heal them, only to inflict worse right afterwards.

Harry had hoped in the beginning, he might be able to glean some information, but all he learned was that one Death Eater was worse than the next. They all had their preferences as to how they liked to see him suffer. That would be their reward for a successful mission. Voldemort didn't let anybody lay a hand on his precious Horcrux, he inflicted the pain himself, taking pleasure in the cruel demands of his followers.

Burning, cutting, scratching, piercing, breaking – there were many ways to hurt. To Harry's immense relief none of them rivaled Julian's means and Voldemort didn't even get the idea. Harry thought that maybe he was too inhuman to have those desires any longer and as he wouldn't let anyone else so much as touch Harry, there was no way he was going to offer him up as a price to be taken this way.

Harry learned fast that keeping still and enduring the torture with minimum of fight was the fastest way to end it. But whenever they found a new way to draw screams from him, he would fight, rebel, struggle – and that would earn him more pain, more healing, more pain.

Worse of it all was the dwindling hope of being saved, of getting back to Hogwarts and his friends. Suddenly he felt like there could be nothing better than Hagrid's bone crushing hug, or Hermione's relieved smile, or Ron clapping him on the shoulder. Mrs. Weasley's tender, warm hug. Safety, Security, Stability. He craved it now more than ever before in his life. He couldn't cry out for his parents, because they would never come. But who else was there to cry out to?

If only someone could hear him scream.

This went on for several agonizing days, until rescue appeared out of nowhere. It was because for the first and only time Voldemort had afforded one of his followers the right to play with him directly. Bellatrix had earned it for her undying loyalty, he had said. But that put Harry in a position of not being easily healed by spells alone. It would require more than that...

* * *

It was the only way. This is what Snape kept repeating to himself. But he knew that he would blow his cover and rescue the boy even if it was only for his overwhelming sympathy for the child's struggles and the enormous guilt he felt over losing him. As he apparated and bent his knee before his master, he already knew why he was there.

'Bella has been playing rough with our guest.' Voldemort remarked casually 'Bring your healing potions, we are running low, and administer them. Bring him out afterwards and let's have a round together.'

Snape suppressed the shudder that came up at these words.

'Ah, you will need Nerve Restorative, Burn Salve, Dittany – a lot of that –, Calming Drought, Sleeping Drought and Blood Replenisher, I believe.'

'Yes, Mylord.' He disapparated and leaned a moment on a tree, trying to gather his thoughts. That list alone was gruesome enough to turn his stomach. It had been days since the boy had been taken, what had they been doing to him? On shaky legs he filled up his bag and apparated back to Voldemort's hideout. He was led to the cells, where he found the small form of Harry Potter, huddled in a thin grey blanket, shivering on a mattress. The guard locked him in with Potter and left. Snape went down on his knees and whispered 'Harry?'

The boy flinched as if whipped and shivered harder. Taken by a burst of sympathy, Snape reached out and stroked the messy, dirty hair. The boy stilled under the touch and whimpered 'Please. Not again, please.'

Snape closed his eyes as he felt actually dizzy with rage and hopelessness at the boy's begging.

'Harry. It's me, Professor Snape. I have brought healing potions for you. Won't you take them?'

Harry finally looked up from his blankets, his eyes desperate 'Please, no more. Just let me die, I beg you!'

Snape stared into the young eyes, then leaned forward to whisper 'I am here to rescue you, Harry. I will take you back, understood?' Harry stared blankly at him. Snape reached out again and stroked Harry's cheek. 'It's going to be alright. I promise, everything will be alright. Take the potions, so you're fit enough to travel.'

Harry looked down at Snape's other hand, that held a few vials. He reached out a trembling hand and took one. His hand was trembling so badly, Snape had to guide it to get the potion where it belonged. While Harry took the orally administered healing potions, the potions master cleaned his wounds and poured Dittany over them. He grimaced at the deep, half-healed cuts, some infected. There were burns on the heels of his feet and palms and other sensitive, much used areas. Snape had to mend a couple broken and bruised bones. Soon Harry locked good enough to stand on his own.

'Very good.' Snape murmured and helped him up 'Come now. And remember: I will have to play a part until the right moment presents itself. Until then I cannot reveal the truth or we will both be killed. Play along!'

They soon came back to the Dark Lord, Harry staggering hopelessly behind Snape.

'Ah, you have restored him pretty well' Voldemort said, delighted with his little toy. Mechanically, Harry stepped forward, his head bent low, the messy hair hiding his features 'Leave us! Severus, you stay.'

All others left the room, while Voldemort started circling Harry like a predator. Taking advantage of Voldemort's distraction, Snape began incanting a spell in his head. It was staggeringly hard and tiring to do it silently, but he had no other choice. He felt like blacking out a bit, when he finished it and felt the anti-apparation wards stumble and fall. His eyes found his master, who wasn't suspecting a thing. He was slowly stroking the hair out of Harry's eyes and whispering into his ear. Severus could see the boy tremble and shudder at those words, delivered in a bad parody of a lover.

'He is ready for you, Severus.' Voldemort said finally, giving him a wicked grin 'I believe he didn't break after Bella's game, but you deserve as well as her for bringing him back to... ah, _normal_.'

Snape stepped forward, unsure of what Voldemort was asking of him to do.

'I have been saving one particular humiliation for the boy, my erstwhile downfall.' Voldemort mused 'I think you are the right choice in this. Rape him.'

The last words were thrown out casually and Voldemort took a mildly interested pose on his throne, as if it was really no big deal. Snape felt like ice was rushing through his veins as he stared at the boy's back, trembling like a leaf. He came up to him and laid his hands on his shoulders. Harry whimpered. Gulping, he turned Harry around and then looked over his head to his master, who was looking on interestedly. Voldemort gave a lazy wave of his hand as if to say 'Get on with it'. To his surprise however, Snape encircled Harry's shoulders gently with his arms and embraced him. Voldemort narrowed his eyes and in an instant plunged his mind into Snape's. But too late.

The last thing Snape heard as he turned on his heel, was the furious scream of 'Avada Kedavra!' intended for his own body. But the green jet of lighting missed him and hit another target, eliciting a furious shout of rage and frustration from Voldemort, that Snape didn't hear any more. As he landed directly in his living room, he lay the limp form in his arms on the floor.

'Oh no, oh no you don't!', he growled as he put his fingers to Harry's throat. No pulse. 'Come on, Harry! Come on!'

But as much as he tried to calm and concentrate on a pulse, there was none. The skin beneath his fingers, still warm, gave no throb of life. Harry Potter lay dead at his feet. In his shock he didn't register Poppy and Albus storming to him and checking Harry for themselves or trying to revive him. He didn't hear their hopeless shouts and effortless attempts at rousing the young form.

At last Snape pushed himself from his stupor and pulled them away from the dead child on his floor. He gathered the boy in his arms and pressed him to his chest. Unbidden tears sprang to his eyes and he didn't feel ashamed, when they flowed down his cheeks.

What had this child gone through all his life? All kinds of abuse, so much hatred and pain and suffering. And his last moments were torture, his last memory of angry red eyes, delighting in his pain. Severus sobbed and wept for the young boy in his arms, who had had to give his life without meaning and only to satisfy the thirst of a mad monster. He felt Albus lay a hand on his arm but didn't react to it. He eased his arms a little to look down on the innocent face, the closed green eyes.

He brushed the hair from his forehead and kissed it. It was still so warm, the child still felt so alive. His lips were caressing soft skin, he could almost imagine blood rushing through the boy.

* * *

OMG Such a Cliffhanger! I am so bad :D I have taken the next chapter hostage and the only way to release it is to bribe me with comments! Muhahaha!

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Known Horkrux' and "If only someone could hear his screams..." and 'Weeping'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Known Horcrux** by Jan_AQ  
Summary: Voldemort finds out that Harry is one of his Horcruxes. Now Voldemort wants Harry more than ever, but to keep safe.  
When did voldemort find out? Did Snape tell him? Does Voldemort want Harry dead, or will Voldemort want Harry to turn to his side? Will Snape keep Harry from Voldemort, or deliver him?

**"****If only someone could hear his screams..."**  
Summary: Write a story with the line (or close paraphrase of the line):  
If only someone could hear his screams...  
Any category or genre. Surprise me!

**Weeping** by AllegroAssai  
Summary: We all do enjoy our favourite Potions Master suffer, or is that just me? In this challenge, we see Snape weep. In character as much as possible and in front of Harry. Important to this challenge is that Harry doesn't just come in when it's already happening, but is during some interaction with Harry. Prompt: Coward.

* * *

**Chapter Six – ?**

(Sorry, Spoilers ;)**  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six – To Gain You**

Previously: _What had this child gone through all his life? All kinds of abuse, so much hatred and pain and suffering. And his last moments were torture, his last memory of angry red eyes, delighting in his pain. Severus sobbed and wept for the young boy in his arms, who had had to give his life without meaning and only to satisfy the thirst of a mad monster. He felt Albus lay a hand on his arm but didn't react to it. He eased his arms a little to look down on the innocent face, the closed green eyes. _

_He brushed the hair from his forehead and kissed it. It was still so warm, the child still felt so alive. His lips were caressing soft skin, he could almost imagine blood rushing through the boy._

He started horribly, when a weak little voice asked hopefully 'Daddy?'

* * *

It took Snape a good half hour to register all that had happened. He still sat stunned at the boy's bed, fascinated by the rhythm of his breathing. His chest raising and falling without missing one beat. He was there, a few feet from him, alive and relatively well.

Whenever the slight form in front of him gave a sigh, Severus jumped up and checked all his vitals. The boy had been dead, truly gone, but had come back. It was mad, it was impossible, it was… wonderful. Snape sat back in his chair, still bound by the gentle raise and fall. He would stay here until the boy woke up.

_Daddy_. Severus felt proud at that one word, because it meant Harry had been occluding. Still, in the clutches of a mad man, being tortured and humiliated, he had managed to keep his mind closed and inaccessible.

Harry on the other side had had an exciting encounter he was reliving in his dreams. When Voldemorts curse shot at them, Harry had deliberately turned to catch it, to safe Snape. It had not been a conscious decision, more of an instinct. And as the light hit him, he was propelled into a house he had never seen before. He sat in a nursery, the baby bed empty and he realized why, as his mother entered the room. She was smiling softly down at him.

'Am I dead?' he had asked, sounding hopeful, Lily had shaken her head

'No, you are in the in-between world. You were one of Voldemort's Horcuxes and as he shot that killing curse at you and you sacrificed yourself for Severus, my protection brought you here. The Horcrux in you is now destroyed, but you have the choice.'

'The choice?' Harry asked

'Do you want to return or go on?'

She sat down in the rocking chair and looked up at him, smiling softly. Harry didn't know what to do. He wanted to stay here with his beautiful, loving mother. But something in the world he had left behind was beckoning him.

'What should I do?' he whispered to her, going down to his knees. She leaned forward and smoothed his hair away. Harry leaned his head into her lap and enjoyed her loving caress.

'There are people here, who love you very much, Harry. And there are people back there, who love you very much. But we will be here in years to come. There is no hurry for us.'

'But mum, I want to be with you and dad!'

She stroked his cheek lovingly and whispered 'Shall I tell you a secret, Harry? You have a dad back there as well. Can you hear his voice? He is crying for you.'

And Harry heard it. He heard the crying and the sobbing. And suddenly he could feel those strong arms around himself and saw his mother getting foggier and foggier. He almost wanted to grab her, but knew it would not work. A kiss on his forehead was the sensation that jerked him back to the living world. He couldn't say if it had been his mother or the mysterious father she was talking about.

* * *

It was a strange thing, waking up to someone fussing over you. Especially if that person turned out to be Snape and you had developed a severe aversion to touch. A high-pitched scream rattled Spinners End and Harry banged his head against Snape's, as he tried to sit up, while Snape was checking his temperature with a hand on his forehead. Snape scowled at him and Harry blushed.

'Err… what happened, professor?' he asked, rubbing his head. Snape left his side to return to a chair a few feet away. That was better.

'What is the last thing you remember?'

Harry's hand on his forehead stilled 'Someone kissing me here.'

Twin blotches of red appeared on Snape's shallow cheeks and he cleared his throat 'Well, yes… As you may remember I found you and apparated us away into my living room. For a few moments you were…'

'Dead', Harry breathed, his eyes looking into distance 'I saw my mum. She told me I had the choice to return… That there was someone… Who was crying all over me?'

The red marks that had begun receding, took on a darker shade at the question 'I… Me, it was me.'

Harry stared at him disbelievingly and Snape's tone was quite defensive, when he explained 'You were dead! I was… mourning.'

'Mourning me?' Harry asked confused 'Why would you care?'

'I had just blown my cover to rescue you and I get here with your dead body – it was a bit disconcerting and I had every right to be upset, don't you think?' Snape said angrily and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

'It's just… My mum said something… I…' Harry trailed away

'You said 'daddy', when you came back.' Snape prompted and curiously noted Harry blushing this time 'Were you occluding? When we were in the Dark Lord's presence?'

Harry stared at him and then nodded 'Yes, I always occluded, when he was there.'

'Well done.' Snape said heavily and sighed. Harry relaxed, knowing that Snape hadn't read anything else into the small word that had slipped outside, while he was coming back to world of the living.

'So what's the status?' Harry said, raising his arms lamely to indicate his physical well-being.

'The Dark Lord did not harm you in any permanent way, even though you were his prisoner.' Snape frowned at that 'You have healed completely.'

Harry looked surprised, but when he peered at his arm, he saw that even his self-inflicted cut marks were gone. Funny, how he didn't feel any compulsion to do that any more. Maybe that's what prolonged torture does to a person… Or at last, to him…

'So… I am staying here… with you?'

Snape nodded 'Until the end of summer. Now that you are awake, I am sure you want to get up, shower and dress. I'll be waiting downstairs in the kitchen with something light to eat.'

With that Snape left him to his own devices, which was enough proof for Harry that he was indeed healed completely. He left the bed and stretched, then did as he had been told. A shower had never felt this good. It wasn't that he was dirty, he had been cleaned up and dressed in fresh pajamas. But the warm water on his skin, the smell of soap – there was a sense of cleanliness in those sensations as well.

After a light dinner, Snape showed him the house, to Harry's extreme surprise there was no laboratory. The room which could've been made into one harbored – paintings. Harry gaped for a moment.

'Did you buy them?' He asked, walking in uninvited and checking them out. The ones in the front showed landscapes, mostly with only one person or animal in it. In the back he could see pictures in dark tones that depicted several people inside dark rooms.

'No' Snape said, his voice very cautious 'I drew them.'

Harry froze, then turned around and said 'Really? They're very good!'

Snape looked surprised at the praise but didn't comment.

'I draw too… Well, I doodle…' Harry admitted, scratching his arm a bit. Snape gently curled his fingers around Harry's hand and pulled it away, the movement casual, for all the meaning it conveyed. Harry felt like he had to reassure him. 'I won't do that any more, sir.'

'I know.' Snape said and the conviction in his voice heartened Harry 'But habits die hard.'

He let go of Harry's hand that had started throbbing uneasily at the touch and said 'If you want to try something out, you could draw here whenever you like.'

Harry looked up from one of the sketches 'That would be great, I'd really like to…'

And just like this, Harry found himself emerged in Art every day, for hours on a stretch. He wasn't particularly good, but he put effort in and that seemed to impress Severus more than any inherent talent could. Lacking ideas, Harry started to sketch out Severus' pictures and make them his own in some way.

Harry, like Snape, seemed to prefer darker tones and settings, like caves and forests at midnight. Harry liked to draw the full moon casting a ghostly light onto things and one day decided to sketch the Womping Willow at moonlight with Hogwarts in the background. While he was sketching he changed his mind and turned Hogwarts into the Shrieking Shack, as he thought the haunted house fit better into the dark scenery than the cheerful castle.

While he was colouring his picture he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him and turned around. Snape was standing over him, staring intently at his picture. He reached out and took it in his hands, looking at it with keen and tumultuous eyes.

'This is… very close to the real thing.' He finally said and Harry smiled up at him

'Do you think so? It took me a long time, I really like it.'

'The shadows and the light…' Snape said with reverence 'They signify something'

Harry leaned closer to look at the picture as well. He had unconsciously drawn what felt like a good addition to the picture, but as he looked at the cold white moonlight and dark blue shadows, he felt like there was a lot of darkness and emptiness in that picture. It felt a bit like an emotional black hole. He shuddered slightly. Snape put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

'You are expressing your emotions with your pen. This is a good thing.' Snape met his eyes and said 'We have avoided to talk about what happened to you' Harry stiffened under his fingers 'If you don't feel up to it, I'd recommend writing about it. I could give you a journal.'

'I have one' Harry remembered 'I got it, when I bought school supplies.'

'Please use it to set your thoughts to paper every night. I do want you to talk about it all at some point, but not until you are somewhat comfortable with it.'

The throbbing at his shoulder, where he was being held, lessened at those words and Harry gave a trembling smile. He appreciated the time, patience and space Snape was giving him.

As Harry wrote into his journal that night, he had a lot of thoughts about his art to put down. Strangely his dreams centered around the same subject, making Harry fall into them one after the other. Even though they all followed a rather sinister mood, in his dreams they had a calming feeling take hold if him. He felt safe and slept deeply.

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Gaining Harry's trust again' and 'Artists'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Gaining Harry's trust again** by always394  
Summary: Harry and Snape grow close to each other and Snape must become either Harry's guardian or dad. But when Severus finally gains Harry's trust, Harry is taken and raped (or something equally horrible) and Snape has to save him and try to gain Harry's trust again.

**Artists** by Nightshade sydneylover150  
Summary: Professor Severus Snape is also a talented artist. As is Harry. Somehow these two discover each other's talents. How do they react to each other?

* * *

**Chapter Seven – The Blood in my Veins**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven – The Blood in my Veins**

Snape had given his information and memories over to the ministry to prove Voldemort's resurrection and name his followers. Beside throwing Voldemort back a few paces, this had the unwanted effect of releasing Sirius Black as innocent. Black was back in all his glory and immediately asked for guardianship to one Harry Potter. As Harry's guardianship in the magical world rested with Hogwarts and thus his Head of House, no one had learned of his current living arrangements. What did come to light was a startling other development.

'Did you know, Severus' Dumbledore started whilst taking off his coat 'that you have nominal control over the Potter estate?'

Snape frowned as did Harry 'I had no idea. How could this be?'

'The ruins in Godrics Hollow were filed under the name of James Potter and Lily Evans in equal share. Harry James Potter was named their sole heir. No one thought to look beyond that. But as Sirius was filing for guardianship of Harry' At this Harry's stomach clenched anxiously 'it came to light that it was not his name but yours listed there. The vault Harry inherited is also only comprised of a trust fund the Potters made for Harry, it is not the Potter inheritance.'

Harry looked questioningly at Snape, who looked as confused 'But how can this be? I was never named Harry's guardian, his parents would have never…'

Dumbledore nodded gravely 'I did ask the goblins and I have to confess, as the idea hadn't even entered my mind, I did not do so discreetly…' Dumbledore sighed 'Sirius was there as well and he did not take the answer well, I fear.'

'What answer?' Harry asked, a little annoyed at all the secrecy, he shrugged at Snape's warning glance.

'The only possible way that Severus would have control over the estate and vault, would be if he was your guardian. As the only people even being considered in this role were Sirius Black, the Dursleys or Hogwarts, namely me and Minerva, the only other possibility would be that you two share blood.'

This did not elicit the shocked reaction Dumbledore had obviously been expecting. Snape said 'Oh well, all pureblood families are related to some extent. I'm sure the Potters and the Princes…'

'No, it is a close familial connection. It would only give that right to you if you were the next natural candidate for guardianship. That means your relationship to Harry must override Sirius' claim.'

Now it seemed to dawn on Snape what Dumbledore was saying, he paled and sat down slowly. Harry looked from him to the headmaster 'I don't get it.'

'Only if Severus was your biological father, uncle or brother could he fulfill these criteria. May I assume that we can safely rule out the last two?' Snape gave a jerky nod 'And what can you say about the first?'

Snape seemed to think for a moment and then slowly related 'Do you remember the mission she worked on, when she was cut off from the outside world and I rescued her?' Dumbledore needed a little time, but then nodded 'We spent that one night in the cave together, but we both didn't remember much about it. The cave was infested with purple nightshade and we left it without thinking about the pieces of memory we might have lost.'

'You are saying that you might have had… relations with her during that night and both forgotten, when your system had metabolized the poison?' Dumbledore asked, Snape gave a brisk nod.

'Nightshade of that kind causes magical hallucinations… it is entirely possible. But how was I to even suspect that? Those hallucinations could have taken any form, they could've been violent or induced mad laughter…'

'I see' Dumbledore murmured 'Not one of you even thought about it, you went your own ways. Lily must have been sure it was James' child until Harry was born. At some point she must have realized, like we did today, that he was in fact yours and put glamours on him. Any particular physical element you think would have stuck out in a toddler to alarm her?'

Snape thought for a second to point out his nose but refrained 'All heirs to the Prince line have a birthmark in the vague shape of a crown. Lily knew this.'

He brushed his hair aside to uncover the little mark on his neck.

'So, did I get that right? You and my mum were drugged and that's how I was conceived?' Harry asked, sounding ill 'You are my father then?'

Snape looked as ill as Harry sounded. Harry got up on shaky legs and said 'I need some time…'

And he was gone, up the stairs to his bedroom, closing it silently behind him. Snape put his head in his hands and sighed.

'What else will happen to that child? How many disappointments will he have to face?'

Dumbledore sat down before him 'Disappointment, Severus? No. An adjustment, a chance, yes. But you are not a disappointment. It is a lot for him to take in. But you can become his crutch, make this his home. A home he has recently lost… if he ever had one. Show him what can lie ahead, what you can offer him – if you want to.'

Severus looked up 'I… do not feel adequate. I am not enough, Albus.'

'You are all there is!'

'Black…'

'Has forfeited his claim. He will not take your son, in fact he has disowned him from the Black inheritance and is working towards disowning him from the Potter inheritance.' Dumbledore said with regret 'He cannot take his trust fund, but he is convinced that James was tricked into adopting your child, that Lily cheated him into it. He is upholding his honour.'

'Honour?' Snape breathed 'He is dead, Harry lives.'

Dumbledore gave a bitter smile 'Yes, I believe that is the point of it. Sirius is still in denial about their deaths, Azkaban has frozen him in a state of 12 years prior. He was searching for James in Harry but he was denied that. It is as if he lost his brother all over again and the sheer pain of it has driven him mad.'

Severus shook his head in disgust.

'Do not worry about Sirius. Remus will take care of him.'

'I thought the wolf is your next choice for torture at the school?' Snape sneered, regaining back his usual composure.

'Sirius will accompany him and be his assistant teacher. He will fill in for him at the full moon.'

'Harry will have to face him?' Snape asked

'It will be alright, Severus.' Dumbledore said, almost imploringly 'I trust Remus with this.'

'He is just as bad!' Severus said, jumping up 'He will disregard him, bully him, just because he is my son, my blood!'

Dumbledore looked at him and then slowly said 'The same way you did in regards to James Potter's son?'

Severus looked up sharply and then could not hold Albus' gaze. The headmaster stood up as well 'I will leave you to your son then, to sort things out.'

Snape didn't follow the headmaster out, he stood there, thinking about this new revelation. About all of it. He did not trust in Sirius or Remus to come around. They would both abandon Harry. The wolf had no right to him and Sirius had forfeited his. They were not trustworthy.

The Dursleys did not even bear thinking about. Those animals would not see Harry ever again.

But who was there beside himself? Dumbledore was right. Harry did not have anybody else.

It was not a question about being right or enough. It was him or nobody. And he would not disappoint Harry. Not the way he had been disappointed by his own father. Not the way his mother had been abandoned by her kin. No, this Prince legacy would end with him. Snape turned and walked up to Harry's room, a new sense of purpose behind his stride, his features set.

His knock was answered by a muffled reply and when he entered, Harry was lying on his stomach, arms buried beneath a pillow his head was resting on. Harry glanced up at him and then looked down again, giving him a glimpse of Lily's beautiful green eyes. He sat on his bed, suddenly losing his resistance to be close to the child. Minutes ago, this had been his student, now he was his son.

He still hesitated before laying a hand on his shoulder but he had done so before, when he inspected Harry's artwork. Harry did not react.

'Listen to me. I truly did not know about our relationship. Much could have been different if I had. I will be honest with you, I never had any feelings for your mother other than respect and friendship. We were friends in school and later colleagues in the resistance against Voldemort. But had I known you were my child… I would've claimed you or at least fought to be a part of your life. This was probably the reason your mother sought to hide you from me. I… was a spy back then, a double agent. She could not trust me. I am certain she was waiting for the end of the war to reveal the truth of your heritage.'

'How can you know?' Harry asked 'Maybe she was hiding from James, maybe she would have kept it this way…'

'Maybe…' Snape conceded 'But I trust that she would've told me and James in the end. Maybe she had told him already.'

Harry snorted 'He would not have died for me…'

Snape moved his hand to lay against Harry's head, stroking his hair away from his face gently. Harry gulped at the loving gesture 'Your father was a good man, he would not have let any child die, that could be saved. He would've died for all of them, gladly.'

Harry took a trembling breath and nodded 'What is going to happen now?'

'You will stay with me.' Snape said firmly 'I want you in my life, if you will allow me. But at least until the end of the vacation you have a place at Spinners End. Beyond that, it is your choice.'

Harry gulped again 'I feel so confused, I don't know what to do.'

'Take it in stride, Harry. You have a home to come to here, whenever you wish. If you are offered something better, you may choose that. I will not resent it. But this door will always be open to you. That is all I'm saying.'

Harry's eyes filled with tears of gratitude and he nodded again. Snape tapped his head before retreating from the room 'Sleep for now. It will all sort itself out, I promise.'

Harry hid his face in the pillow, when the door shut close quietly. His arms were tingling, he wanted to scratch at them, cut them. He shook his head wildly, no. No, he would resist! He reached out to his journal and started writing in it. Ah, this felt good. It was like pouring out poison!

As he slid into sleep that night he dreamt of Severus - looking up at him with proud eyes, smiling and engulfing him in an embrace the moment he was close enough. No tingling, no throbbing accompanied the closeness and his father whispered into his ear 'I love you so much, Harry'

A shiver shook his whole body at those words and he gave a relieved sigh, that turned out to be half a whimper 'I love you, too, Dad. I love you so much.'

He squeezed his father and he squeezed him back, kissing the top of his head.

Even during his dream a wistful smile graced the teen's lips and tears glistened underneath his lashes. If only he could get this for Christmas...

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Hidden Snapes' and 'Potter Estate in Snapes name'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Hidden Snapes** by Mellow Moon  
Summary: Snape had a bit of 'fun' after Hogwarts, and fathered two children. Harry with Lily, and another child with someone else. The other child must be a canon character, but not Draco. Whether he knows about either child is the writer's choice. Romance is also the writer's choice, but no Harry/Draco or Harry/Ginny. Can take place at any point during Harry's Hogwarts years.

**Potter Estate in Snape's Possession** by Jan_AQ  
Summary: The Potter estate is in Snape's possession. How did this happen?

* * *

**Chapter Eight – You look so much like your father...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight – You look so much like your father...**

Severus decided that he – and Harry – needed clarity about the night he had been conceived. So Severus did what he did best, he brewed a potion. This potion, combined with a spell, would let him dream of the night he had mentioned to Dumbledore and this time, see with his own eyes and remember those lost hours. With no small amount of trepidation, Snape prepared the potion, cast the spell and drank it. That night memories of Lily haunted his sleep.

He had received word from fellow Death Eaters that they had cornered one of the Order members in the Black forest. Severus knew immediately who that would be and wondered why Lily hadn't apparated away. But to protect the forests magical population and control the visitors, the german government had put anti-apparation wards up around the whole area. Lily had been on a mission recruiting magical beasts as allies and was now stuck there, having been followed by Death Eaters. Snape was the only one who could slip in and give her the Portkey, as the Death Eaters would not question his appearance. So he made his way to the forest and searched the parameter they had indicated. It was hard to find her but he located her in a small cave hidden behind overgrowth. The moment he entered it, he knew something was wrong. It was the smell.

As a young Potions Apprentice he recognized the Purple flower immediately but was powerless to fight it. For 24 hours he would be sucked into a hallucination and never remember what happened. After a full day his body would metabolise the poison and he'd come out of his trance. Lily must be already at the end of her cycle.

Lily was lying on her back, idly playing with her red hair and looking sightlessly to the cavern ceiling. When he came closer, her eyes flicked to him and a bright smile encompassed her whole face.

'James!' she cried and jumped up, throwing her arms around his shoulders. Severus stiffened only for a moment, before, to his own surprise, he enveloped her in his arms.

'Lily' he breathed and looked at her with such sickening devotion that the real Snape couldn't stop himself from sneering at them. Snape almost left the memory, when they started kissing passionately but thought he needed to know the truth. He dispassionately watched them make love as that was what they were doing. This was not a hook-up, not a one night stand. Lily was imagining her young, handsome, loving husband and Severus was not sure what he himself had been imagining.

He did not deny that Lily was good looking, the contrast between her hair and eyes was quite pretty and she had a nice face and figure. But he had never been in love with her. He tilted his head, watching the two people in front of him cuddling. He seemed to be more in love with the idea of being in love than with Lily herself. He shrugged and leaned back, watching them fall asleep and then after a while, he saw Lily rousing first.

He could see the confusion still clouding her eyes but also the realization and shock spreading over her face. He was sure, she did not remember what had happened, but they were in quite a compromising position together. It was not hard to put two and two together. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, her eyes scanned the purple flower and then she carefully detangled herself from him and speedily put her clothes on. She flicked her wand in a complicated arc and delivered his clothes to his body. Shaking his head confusedly, the other Severus woke up as well. Snape appreciated Lily's acting as she politely thanked him and helped him up and out of the cave. There was no way he could have guessed then what had happened between them, especially as the power of the magical flower still had its hold on him. So Lily had decided then to keep this from him.

Snape shook his head as he left the potion induced memory and woke up groggily. But as he pondered the answers from his memory, he growled in frustration. There were more questions than answers still. Had Lily planned on telling him about Harry? Had she changed his appearance to trick James or the rest of the world? Did James know and adopt Harry?

Did it matter either way? He could answer this question quite clearly: It did not matter to him any more. It was what it was and they would have to deal with it. Snape then smiled a Slytherin smile as he thought how to utilize this new relationship for their cause… He had a brilliant idea!

* * *

Harry self-consciously brushed his hair from his face. His hair had always been an issue for him, it would never lie flat! But that problem had been _solved_ permanently. Snape had come up with the best idea on the planet to help Harry enter the Wizarding World safely again. They had taken away his glamour and revealed his true looks. There was no better way to hide him than in plain sight. And like this, they had returned to Hogwarts castle.

Mostly Lily's features had made it through the mix, with the exception of a few things. Harry was quite glad that his face had a few male features left and he didn't look like a girl completely. His jaw and cheeks were anything but feminine but his eye shape, lips and nose were definitely his mother's rather than Snape's. But there were other things he had inherited from his biological father. Harry was glad to have grown a few inches. But he had been rather dismayed to see that he had lost his mother's eye colour. He didn't mind black so much and he knew it would help in their cover story, but he had always liked to have her expressive green. It was a constant reminder of her.

But what really miffed him was the hair, he had obviously inherited the Snape's oiliness. He gave a frustrated growl. There must be something he could do against it. No amount of shampoo or soap seemed to solve anything. Harry frowned at his reflection.

'There must be some spell...' he murmured and pointed his wand at his head but nothing came to mind. What did he want? He had water and he had no idea how to conjure shampoo strong enough to suck away the oil. Maybe some styling gel would help? If his hair was oily anyway, he'd put in some gel to make it shine as if that was exactly what he wanted… But how would that spell look like?

'Err… Gelato!'

Something poured out of his wand and for one second Harry's face split into a grin, because he thought he had done it. But the moment the mass connected with Harry's head he gave a surprised shriek – it was _cold_. He heard footsteps running and then the door to the bathroom was yanked open. Snape stared at him, the white mass in Harry's hair was dripping down onto his shoulders lightly, which made the boy shiver. A 'Finite' stopped the flow from his wand.

'What the…?' Snape began and then his nose picked up the smell – citrus. Snape carefully extended a finger and scooped up a bit of the stuff from the top. He smelled it and to Harry's surprise then licked it off his finger. Harry thought he'd faint, when Snape burst into laughter suddenly. Harry took some of the stuff from his head as well and tasted. Ah. Damn.

Ice cream.

Reddening, Harry cast a cleaning spell. Snape had gotten himself under control and left, shaking his head, still smiling. But if Harry had thought this was all of it, he had been very wrong. For at the next opportunity the headmaster whipped out his wand at dinner and proudly sang 'Gelato fragaria' at his empty dessert glass – it filled with strawberry ice cream and Dumbledore looked around encouragingly. Other teachers followed suite, none of them realizing how red Harry was going. They were happy with their different coloured ice cream, comparing and tasting off each other's creations. Snape smirked at him and Harry gave him a tentative smile back, when he said 'Gelato iridis' and a colourful ice cream mixture filled his glass.

* * *

Even though his hair problems were quite annoying, they were hardly the worse thing to face in his new persona. Snape had decided he wanted to call his son 'Alexander', 'Alex' for short. Harry had shrugged at that but insisted to have 'Henry' as his middle name, desperate to keep some connection to his old life. When they entered Diagon Alley, they had a very distinct plan in mind.

Harry was supposed to be seen with Severus and introduced as his son before word got out, that Harry Potter had 'died'. This way no one would doubt it and put together the real story.

The infirmary was currently housing a very ill looking copy of Harry. It was little more than a ghoul made of Harry's flesh and blood – a rather disgusting procedure. As Madam Pomfrey was in on the story and no teacher would cast diagnosis spells behind her back, there was no way the staff would find out. And they had seen Alex eating in the Great Hall with his father.

They entered Florish and Blotts, getting a clerk to help them find his books. Harry had given the one's he had bought from working at the pub to charity – there was a fund for poor students, who couldn't afford attending Hogwarts on their own. The clerk knew Severus.

'Ah, Hogwarts business?'

Snape raised an eyebrow 'In a sense. Patrick, this is my son, Alexander. Alex, this is Patrick, a former student.'

Harry shook the stunned assistant's hand.

'Never knew you had a kid, Professor! Well, he does look like you.' Patrick's eyes shot up to Harry's hair and he self-consciously brushed it behind his ear 'What year are you in? Don't look like a firstie.'

'Third, I will have Divination and Care of Magical Creatures as well' The clerk groaned and put on the Dragon Hide gloves.

'Just a mo' he mumbled, starting to tackle the books, that started fighting back. Harry felt slightly bad for him and went around the shelves to collect the other books himself, he did know where to find them.

When he had a considerable pile together his father bent a little and relieved him from his burden

'Go and get two books you like.'

'For what?'

Snape raised an eyebrow 'Light reading.'

Harry stared at him 'You mean, as a present?'

Snape frowned 'No, this is a necessity. Your mind needs food as much as your body.'

Harry didn't know what to answer, so he turned and picked out two books, one about Quidditch and another about DADA. When he added them to the pile on the counter, Severus gave him an amused look 'Wait here.'

A minute later his father had returned with four books, Harry read the titles. Three of them started with 'The Lord of the Rings' and the forth, which was a lot thinner, was called 'The Hobbit'. Harry looked up surprised 'That's fiction!'

'That was what I was talking about' Somehow Snape's voice didn't sound annoyed but warm and indulgent, Harry blushed 'I personally don't enjoy fantasy as much, but your mother adored this series.'

'Oh, I'll put the others back...' Snape held him back and shook his head 'No, really, this is too much...'

'Not at all.' Snape cut him off 'I intend to spend a lot more still.'

That shut Harry up and it took him a full minute until he mumbled 'Thanks... Dad.'

Snape sent him a curious look, but seemed to determine that 'Alex' was getting into his role. He simply patted him on the cheek and paid for the book. Surprisingly, Harry didn't feel the tingly sensation that touch normally elicited from him nowadays. It felt nice, actually.

* * *

When they had gotten all his supplies and a new pet for Harry – he would have to give up Hedwig sadly – they lingered in the apothecary. Snape was having a long, boring conversation with the old shopkeeper as Harry strolled through the shelves and read labels. He could hear their conversation in the background.

'...do tell me how it turns out, kid.' For some reason the man insisted on calling Snape 'kid', which Harry frankly found hilarious. His lips twitched again in amusement on hearing it 'You have a test person?'

'Yes, someone who will be able to test it every month, for a while I believe.'

The man dropped his voice low, but Harry could still hear him 'It's not the kid, is it?'

Snape paused before he answered 'No, it's an adult. Alex is not infected, I'm glad to say'

Infected? Harry wondered what that was about.

'Well, where did you get him anyway?'

'He's my son' Snape said casually

'Son!' the man exclaimed surprised 'First I hear of it.'

'I haven't known myself for long. His mother assumed he was someone else's child and just as she died, the inheritance paper revealed his true parentage. The other man refused to keep him and he was sent to me.'

'Rough' the man said and Harry could feel his gaze on him. Harry turned to the window and looked outside. He saw a man in tattered old clothes, greying hair, accompanied by another man, who was as handsome as his companion seemed poor. They entered the apothecary and turned everyone's attention.

'Alex, come here.' Snape said imperiously and Harry hastened to obey. As he reached his father's side, the man pulled him against himself, wrapping and arm around his shoulder possessively. Harry looked up surprised 'Black, Lupin. This is my son, Alexander.'

The handsome, black-haired man trained his grey eyes to him and assessed him coldly, while the other seemed curious. He smiled and reached out a hand.

'Very nice to meet you, Alexander.' He shook Harry's hand 'I will be your new professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts. This is my old friend, Sirius Black' The shopkeeper gave a surprised hiss behind them 'He will assist me.'

'Nice to meet you too, sir.' Harry answered and then turned his gaze to Sirius 'You too, sir.'

Sirius stiffened, when addressed and turned to Snape 'Nice display. Don't think this will change my mind. I never said it was his fault. But it's only right that he should not get a share into a man's fortune, when he was never his child.'

'Now, now, sir.' the shopkeeper interrupted 'As I understand he grew up with him, what is family but sharing time and love?'

Black looked at the man confused and then shortly said 'Don't interfere.'

Snape took this as their cue to leave. Probably feeling bad for Harry, he took him to have some ice scream at Fortescue's, before they returned to Hogwarts. Snape tried to lighten the mood by saying 'What a waste of time, I prefer your gelato any day', but Harry only gave a weak smile. After dinner that day, Dumbledore followed them down to their quarters and announced:

'I'm sorry to say that today Sirius' petition was waved through by the goblins. James Potter's fortune is now under nominal control of Sirius Black.' Albus sighed 'After we've killed Harry Potter, it will go over to him. Sirius intends to spend it on the order, as he thinks this is what James would have wanted.'

'Well, it's of no import.' Severus said, sounding angry 'I am perfectly capable of caring for my son alone.'

Harry looked slightly surprised by this acknowledgement of their relationship outside of the necessary role-play in public. Dumbledore's worried expression cleared at that and he smiled at Harry, his eyes twinkling again.

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Disowned' and 'Gelato' You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Disowned** by Nightshade sydneylover150  
Summary: A cleared-of-all charges Sirus Black disowns Harry from the Potter and Black lines for acting in a un-Potter like fashion.  
How does Snape react? Does he help Harry or hurt him more?  
Bonus points if:  
~ Harry is told he cannot use either his first and or last name.  
~ Lily leaving her son money  
~ Harry in danger of having the magic from his father side ripped out of him, along with all his other Potter characteristics.

**Gelato!** by Poufsouffle  
Summary: Harry is in denial about inheriting Snape's greasy, lifeless hair. So he decides to gel it to make it look more Potter-like and sticky-uppy. Unfortunately, he does not own any gel, nor does he know any magic that would help. So, in a particularly extreme fit of denial, he makes one up: Gelato. It fails and ice cream squirts out from his wand onto his hair. Snape walks in. Dumbledore finds out and the spell is his new favourite.

* * *

**Chapter Nine – Losing Harry Again**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine – Losing Harry Again**

Harry had not expected it to hurt this much, when he had to give up his invisibility cloak, because of course that had been James Potter's as well. It felt like someone had ripped something from his heart, for this was the first and only thing he had of the man, who had been his father for a year. A man who had died saving him. A man he had been proud to be compared to.

Not that Severus was so bad. No, really, Severus was great. He had given him his own room full of brand new stuff, his school supplies and made sure Harry ate all three meals with him in the Great Hall. More than that, he had arranged for a little gallery for the both of them down in the dungeons, where they could both paint in peace and each other's company. Harry enjoyed to spend time with his father and he had gotten to know a peaceful, gentle side to him. The man did not tuck him in, but he came to his room to say good-night every evening without fail. He did not cuddle him, but made sure he didn't mope alone in his room. He was not very vocal or expressive with his affection, but he showed in small gestures that he cared about Harry. No, indeed, he wasn't bad at all.

One of those occasions, when he showed how much he cared, was as the day Harry Potter died. As the ghoul was taking his last breaths, the Weasleys, Hermione and the two remaining Marauders were summoned. Of course, Sirius and Remus knew that it was only an imitation of the real boy, but the utter sadness and desperation on Sirius' face as he saw the James look-a-like suffer was real. Snape had brought Alex on his request, stating that the two boys had befriended each other while they were the only teens in the castle. They kept to the background as the Weasleys gathered around the bed.

Ron and Hermione sat side by side and stared dismayed at the chalky face of their friend, Hermione gripping his hand. The other white, bloodless hand was held gently by Molly Weasley, who was already crying, occasionally raising it to kiss it. Arthur stood behind her, his hands on her shoulder, trying to comfort her by his presence alone. But behind his glasses, his eyes were swimming in tears as well. Fred and George stood silently behind Hermione and Ron, looking like silent guardians, for once in their life they were completely serious. Percy was standing slightly to the side of his parents, frowning and looking worriedly between his youngest brother and the dying boy.

Albus Dumbledore stood at the end of the bed, flanked by Sirius and Remus, looking on with complete honest sadness and regret.

'No, please Harry.' Molly sobbed 'You can't stop fighting, sweety. We are here, we want you here with us. Please Harry, not you too...'

Harry flinched, when he heard those words. Not you too. Like Ginny. Hands descended on his shoulders and squeezed in reassurance. He raised one of his own hands, covering one of his father's and leaning his head on it. His eyes filled with tears as well, as Molly collapsed beside the frail body on the bed and sobbed heart-wrenchingly.

'Mum!', Percy said, coming to her side and rubbing her back like his father was 'Shh, it's okay mum, let him go. It's better...'

Harry couldn't take it any longer, the air felt stifling, like it was choking him. He turned and ran from the room, leaving the sobs and the gasping ghoul and Snape saying 'His mother died recently... forgive him.'

Out by the lake he took a few deep breaths, rubbing at his eyes. Stupid. He was so stupid! He knew, it was only a ghoul, a lifeless, soulless, emotionless piece of flesh. It could not die, because it never lived.

'Hey! You okay, kid?'

Harry turned around and saw the twins approaching. He shrugged, pressing his lips together.

'Your father is searching for you.' One of them said 'We told him, we'd help. But really, we wanted to get out as much as you.'

'Yeah, who wants to watch Percy play the good son?' the other twin said, then flinched as if he had tasted something bitter. Harry shrugged.

'I... as he said... my mum died a few weeks ago and I was in the room then as well. And I... got to know Harry, you know. A little.'

Fred and George nodded 'He was a good kid, Harry.'

'Yeah, superb flyer, made an awesome seeker. And he was always kind.'

'He laughed at our jokes.'

They started returning to the castle, Alex in their middle 'But then, everybody does.'

In the Entrance Hall they met Severus, who thanked his students for finding Alex and then led him down to their quarters. Once there, he pointed at the sofa and said 'Sit'

He then requested tea and sat down beside him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. He pressed Harry to his side and stared silently into the fire. Harry's eyes burned and he hid his face in Severus' shoulder, willing himself not to cry.

'Its stupid, no one really died...' he mumbled, still leaning into the embrace.

'Someone did.' Snape disagreed 'Harry Potter died.'

Alex bit on his lip to stop it from trembling but couldn't stop a sniffle from escaping. Snape leisurely stroked Alex' hair, playing with the black strands of hair, whenever he pulled his hand away from his son's head. Alex relaxed marginally.

'But I have gained a son, you have gained a father. Is that not worth anything?'

Alex blinked up through his lashes, no glasses between him and the outside world any longer. His father glanced down at him seriously and Harry answered 'It's worth everything.'

The smile he received seemed to be worth all the hurt he felt about losing Harry.

* * *

Sooner than expected the newspaper announced the death of the Boy-Who-Had-Lived after having been kidnapped and tortured by Voldemort. Outrage rippled through the Wizarding Society at the death of an innocent thirteen year old. People started pulling their children out of school.

At the start of term feast in September the headmaster waited for the firsties to be sorted, before he stood up and said

'One new student still needs to be sorted into a house. Alexander Snape is Professor Snape's son and has recently mourned the loss of his dear mother. As he will now be staying with his father, he will now attend Hogwarts as well. Of course, as you all know, he needs to be sorted.'

Dumbledore waved at Harry, who stood up from his place at the end of the table beside his father and walked up to the three legged chair. McGonagall gave him the Sorting Hat and he put it on.

'Ah! Harry Potter again, or no, now its Alexander Snape. Where shall I put you, what do you think?'

'Well, I don't know, you are the hat.' Alex said 'Where do I fit?'

'I stand by my earlier decision; you will do well in SLYTHERIN!'

Alex took the hat off to mild applause from Slytherin table and went down there. Nobody seemed surprised that their Head of House's son would be in Slytherin.

Alex glanced at the Gryffindor table. Hermione had red eyes and stared at the table for most of the time. All the Weasley boys looked rather ill, their complexion white, shadows under their eyes.

'Now that the Sorting is complete. I'd like to address a certain matter. The war has cost us another innocent soul, as you all know. Harry Potter, your classmate, lost his life due to the after effects of the torture inflicted on him by Voldemort' a shiver went through the masses 'Many of your fellow students have decided to be home schooled, while the war is going on. I am happy to see as many of you here as there are.

The safety of this school is guaranteed to you as long as you keep it safe. Forces from beyond these walls are beckoning you, they are making promises and giving you sweet, false dreams. But if you succumb to them you will endanger all of your fellow students, your friends and an age old stronghold of education and safety.

But Hogwarts is more than that, Hogwarts is your home.

I will not tell you not to join his forces. That is your decision alone. But I will ask you to protect these ancient halls and the houses that have provided security and brotherhood, family for generations. Thank you.'

The Welcoming Feast started and the sombre mood kept the noise in the hall low. After that speech no one was in a jolly, chatty mood.

* * *

Alex soon learned how his new house was different from his old house. Instead of dormitories, students had their own small rooms. Prefects had duty to make a bed check for the lower forms and even though students were encouraged to be self-sufficient and independent, prefects regularly sat down with them and offered help. Alex saw that Slytherin usually didn't like to ask for help themselves and this way they would get the help they didn't dare ask for. Alex was immediately instructed on one thing: house unity. You can bang your heads while in Slytherin house, but outside, you stand united. Alex realized that Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini didn't care much for Draco Malfoy and his two cronies. All other third year students in Slytherin – very few left – were to decide which group to take. Even though Alex hated the sight of Draco Malfoy, he wouldn't decide.

He did sit more with the other group, but he didn't antagonize Draco and his bullying git friends. He didn't see any sense in that. From all other third years, he liked Teddy Nott best. The tall, dark haired boy was quiet and solitary, not taking any sides or ridiculing anyone. Alex did get the sense that he looked down on people for their blood status, but he didn't act on his prejudice as Draco did.

Classes seemed so very different. The loss of Harry Potter still hung over all their heads, Hagrid seemed very silent and withdrawn, Hermione and Ron didn't talk much. Ron kept to his brothers mostly or sat with the boys in his house. Hermione, who had never gotten along with Parvati and Lavender, spent a lot of time in the library or with Hagrid.

Once as they were packing up from Care of Magical creatures, she stayed back to help Hagrid while the others left. Alex returned to her side and silently began stacking crates with her. She gave him a little smile and Hagrid grunted his thanks. Afterwards they walked up to the castle together.

'You are a strange Slytherin.' she said to him 'You are not mean to anyone.'

'I don't think it's very cunning to alienate potential allies.' He smiled charmingly at her and she gave him a smile back 'And you are very clever.'

'Thank you.' she simply said and after a while added 'I wanted to ask you... You spent the last time with Harry... Did he say something, about us?'

Alex knew immediately she was talking about Ron and her and his heart felt heavy 'Yeah, he constantly talked about you and Ronald Weasley. He really cared for both of you, it was like you were his family.'

Hermione bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears and turned away, but he caught her arm.

'Err...' he had wanted to ask her to spend time with him, because he had seen that she didn't have anyone else, but he changed course mid-thought 'I am still very new to all this and it's a great adjustment. I would be very glad if you helped me out a bit. You know, a study group?'

Hermione smiled at him 'Are you already asking in favours?'

He laughed at that 'I'm not an idiot, maybe I can help you out as well. You can ask other people to come too.'

'Oh, Neville Longbottom, he's in my house, he likes to study with me. Is that okay?'

'You are the boss' Alex said lightly and she nodded before she turned to leave. Alex was glad to see that she didn't slump her shoulders, when she left.

Their study group built itself nicely over the next few weeks. First it was only Neville, Alex and Hermione. But with a little time others started to join in and their group expanded to Luna, Hannah and Tracey Davis. Tracey, being a Slytherin as well, brought along Theodore, who seemed to have a soft spot for her. Their conversations after studying often circled around the two Gryffindors that had died recently. Luna had known Ginny and everyone of course knew Harry. Alex saw that their conversations did a lot of good, even if they hurt him deeply. It was hard to see how much his friends missed him, even Neville. It made him write in his journal, page after page, every night. Slowly their group of study buddies was becoming a group of friends...

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Rumors of my Death' and 'You're my head of house!'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Rumors of My Death** by Dream Painter  
Summary: One of the characters died. In fact, many are still mourning this person's loss. But what happens when the one who'd so recently been buried returns, not as a ghost, but flesh and blood? Had they really died, or was it some kind of mistake? Maybe it had been imagined, or a vision, perhaps? Maybe, only one person 'remembers' that this character should be dead.  
Bonus if:  
\- The person who died is Harry or Snape  
\- You include the funeral at the beginning of the story  
\- The story is multiple chapters

**You're my head of house!** by crotia  
Summary: Snape becomes Harry's head of house, either of Gryffindor or it can be a new house if the four house system is annulled and replaced. This must take place any time after first year (not at the original sorting). Snape needs to be a strict, parental, and responsible head of house who really looks after his charges. He must help Harry especially some way. Harry could for example be: raped, abused, depressed, cutting himself, suicidal etc.

* * *

**Chapter Ten – Defender against the Dark Arts!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten – Defender against the Dark Arts!**

Alex felt like his life was working quite well now. After all that had happened, he had overcome a lot of obstacles and could now look forward to a wonderful life. Well almost. Voldemort was still on the loose. And Sirius Black couldn't seem to stand the sight of him. But Remus was his real Defense teacher, the one who gave him his marks, so all was as well as could be expected in those quarters.

His study group had developed to a clique of friends and slowly they were turning Theodore's convictions about blood purity around. It was nice to be doing something and he was really glad, when Teddy decided to accompany them to Hogsmeade together. Normally he would not be seen with them outside the library, but he was really coming around. Alex was glad to see Hermione and Neville happy as well, they were recovering from their friend's death. Alex was a little worried over Ron, who had begun casting him hateful glances, but as he had yet to do or say anything, Alex wasn't too worried.

Life with a father was also turning out to be a blast. Christmas break was approaching fast and from a few comments he had gotten from Severus, he was getting him another present. So for this trip to Hogsmeade he and his friends had one agenda: get presents! As they were all buying presents for everyone in their group, they split up once they reached the village and then appointed a place and time to meet later. Alex pondered if this was the reason Nott had chosen this outing to accompany them. As they were split up, there was a lot less chance of being seen with them. Alex decided not to worry about it too much. He had the suspicion that Mr. Nott was a Death Eater and Teddy had to be careful. Being hated for something from his own family, Harry understood that. But Teddy had a choice and if he chose not to put himself into trouble a few weeks before seeing his Dad at Christmas, Alex got that.

After strolling around the village and getting everyone a present, Alex sat down on one of the stairs to an old bookshop. He was breathing rather heavily, he noticed, even though he hadn't walked that far. He frowned. This had been happening to him for a while now. He would get exhausted for walking up the stairs to Divination or during Care of Magical Creatures. He was so tired in the evening he went to bed by 9PM latest. Alex rubbed his forehead. His vision was swimming before his eyes. It had never been this bad. Tired, he leaned his head against the wall and then moaned loudly. His head was bursting! It was so painful Alex thought for a moment it must be Voldemort. But no, he was occluding just fine. Suddenly, getting air into his lungs seemed the greatest effort of all times. Harry gasped for air like a fish out of water and pulled it in in short snaps. It didn't seem to help, it wasn't enough, his head was hurting, his vision tunneling. Harry began to panic.

And suddenly he was in familiar arms, being held and instructed as a wand tip traced his throat down to his chest. His lungs seemed to expand automatically and Harry gulped a few breaths of air in quick succession. His vision was clearing. He felt a vial near his lips and drank the potion greedily. His headache vanished and he blinked up to his father, who was holding him half in his lap and looking at him concerned.

'What happened, Alex?'

Alex blinked and tried to stand up on his own. He staggered and Severus held his arm to steady him.

'Don't know, I suddenly had this attack. I couldn't breath and my head was hurting so I...' he shrugged.

'It sounds like an asthma attack, we will let Madam Pomfrey take a look. Are these yours?'

Harry nodded and Snape pocketed his shopping, then led him back up to the castle.

'Why where you in the village, dad? I thought you didn't have duty this time.'

'I didn't', Snape said, pursing his lips and then glancing at him. He seemed embarrassed 'I met with someone I had dated a long time ago... I guess this time is as good as any: you have a half-sister.'

Alex stopped in his tracks 'What?'

Snape closed his eyes in agitation 'Yes, she is about your age and attends Hogwarts. She doesn't know, but her mother knew all along. She hid it from her husband as she had told him it was his. That was why he had married her in the first place. But now she wants a divorce for another reason and threw this little fact in his face. This was when she decided to tell me as well.'

'But this is... That seems totally unfair and cruel!'

'She is not the kindest person around' he admitted 'Her Slytherin traits were what attracted me in the first place. That is until she dumped me for her husband and gave him my child.'

Severus shook his head and then took Alex by the shoulder to keep him walking.

'Who is it then?'

'Tracey Davis.'

Alex blinked, she was the girl Theodore had a crush on, the only Slytherin girl in their group of friends. He shook his head in confusion. He would need to write a few pages in his journal tonight.

But he wouldn't. He never would again.

As he was lying back, being checked through by Madam Pomfrey, she gave out a hiss of shock. Father and son looked at her surprised and she said 'This is... this can't be!'

'What?' Snape snapped 'Speak woman!'

Pomfrey looked up to him with widened eyes and said 'Dark Magic. His body has been wasting away because of Dark Magic.'

'A curse?' Snape breathed and then sat down on Harry's bed, had he overseen a curse from the torture?

'No' she answered, frowning 'It's a continual dose... Every day, even at about the same time.'

'What have you been doing?' Snape turned his anger towards Harry, who flinched

'Nothing!' he said imploringly 'No, Dark Magic, that's for sure!'

As Severus took a deep breath to start admonishing him, Poppy interrupted 'Tell me your schedule.'

Harry frowned 'I wake up, I shower, get ready for the day...'

'No!' she interrupted again 'The items you use.'

Harry frowned, going through his routine in his mind and listing 'A towel, toothbrush, hair brush, my clothes, shoes and stuff... My school things, books, ink, parchment... cutlery and plates, glasses, cups...'

'Things that only you touch' Snape said, to limit the options. Harry thought hard

'Well, there isn't much that I touch exclusively. I lend stuff to people, ink and books and things... Well, I guess they don't touch my clothes... No wait, when someone touches me, they touch them too... Hmm... Oh!'

Harry blinked 'My journal. I write in it every day and I have charmed my night table, so no one can open the drawer but me. I didn't like the way Malfoy looked at it...'

'Where did you get it? You told me you bought it with your school supplies?'

'Yeah...' Harry thought about it for a moment 'I got it at Derwish and Banges' Snape sucked in a sharp breath 'I asked him! He said it didn't write back or anything.'

'Idiot boy!' Snape snapped at him and jumped up, then ran for the floo. He was sucked away in green flames after shouting 'Slytherin Common room!'

'Harry' Poppy said seriously 'How could you just use something that you bought from a shop like that?'

Harry shrugged 'It never did anything to me so I thought it was safe. And the shopkeeper sold it to me. I thought if it was dangerous, he wouldn't give it to a kid, right?'

'I do not think he cares much for the safety of children.' She answered weakly, sitting down and rubbing her face. A moment later Snape came in, the journal between his two fingers, a handkerchief keeping it from touching him directly.

'It's just a Dream Catcher.'

Pomfrey gave a relieved sigh.

'A Dream Catcher? Like those things you hang outside, from native Americans?'

'No' Snape said, dropping it on the night table 'Everything you write in it turns into your dreams. Pleasant dreams.'

'That doesn't sound too bad.'

Snape sighed 'It's not the worst Dark Magic you will encounter, surely. But do you know how your brain works? Trauma – and you have had plenty of it – is lived through in dreams. It helps your psyche deal with emotions you cannot deal with while awake. It's a coping mechanism for your brain and important for your health.

The Dream Catcher has prevented you from dealing with your issues, this explains why you are functioning so well, even though you have been through so much. It's addictive and can get very dangerous, as it draws life energy from you to work. That is why you have been feeling weak and why you had the asthma attack. Your body is struggling doubly, one under the emotional strain and two under the physical and magical strain that results from the Dream Catcher feeding on you.'

Harry blinked 'And what do we do now?'

Poppy rubbed her hands together 'We will destroy the journal, that is the first thing. You will have to go through withdrawal. You will have to work through all the issues you have been pushing away.' Snape paled as she said that 'We can give you potions for your physical needs and you will need to take it easy for the next few days. But you need help for your psychological health as well.'

'A shrink?' Harry asked disbelievingly

'A very good idea.' Snape said, standing up 'You will come live with me now, as the withdrawal is not something you will want your house mates to know and experience with you. No Hogsmeade or Quidditch until I say otherwise. And we will arrange for your counselling to continue forthwith.'

Harry stared at Severus blankly and then said angrily 'No! It's not my fault, I didn't know what was happening!'

'Once again you show me how very Gryffindor you are – acting without thinking, how could you do something that stupid?' Snape shouted, his patience finally snapping. Hearing that hurt. A lot.

'I'm a Slytherin! And back then I didn't even use the journal, I didn't know what it did.'

'You had come across a similar Dark object just the year before and _learned absolutely nothing_! Miss Weasley died and...!'

Tears shot to Harry's eyes and he blinked furiously, cutting Snape off with 'I know that! I know all that! I don't know what was wrong with me...'

'I assume' Madam Pomfrey said calmly, reminding them both that they were not alone 'that you are talking about the time you spent in Knockturn Alley? When you were cutting your arms?' Harry blushed and looked down at his lap. Why did she know about that? Had it been Madam Pomfrey who healed him back in Spinners End? Snape must have nodded at her question, for she continued 'You had developed an infection, it may have been affecting your decision making skills as well.'

'That can happen?' Harry asked, momentarily forgetting about his fight with his father, the matron nodded

'Your mind and body are not separated, they are a unity and they affect each other.'

'This brings another question to mind.' Snape scowled at Harry 'How did you cope with the memory of Julian back at the pub? If you weren't using the journal then?'

The black eyes bored into Harry's eyes and Harry found himself replying without thinking 'I cut myself. And a boy gave me stuff, it made me dream about my parents.'

Severus stared at him open mouthed 'Stuff?'

'He called it _Blues_' Harry explained, realizing that this had not been the best idea. He shouldn't have told Snape, who sat down on his bed again, his legs actually shaking from weakness.

'I can't believe it.' Snape moaned, hiding his face in his hands 'Is this both the luckiest and the unluckiest child alive?'

Madam Pomfrey gave him a wry smile, before she turned back to Harry with a stern expression 'You do realize that you could have killed yourself?'

Harry blinked. He was hearing a lot of that today.

'The street drug you are talking about, Blues, it gave you hallucinations. It interfered with your mind and magic, at the same time as you were inflicting self-harm, affecting your mind and body. Do you realize where this mixture could have led you? How easily you could have overdosed? How your infection could've been worsened by the drug?'

Harry shook his head, more to clear it than to answer.

'I am with Severus, you do need constant supervision. I will run more scans to see if there is any effect of this Blues left in your system. Dear Merlin!' she said furiously and waved her wand about. Harry was looking at his father, who hadn't emerged from behind his hands. He poked him in the shoulder.

'Dad?'

Snape put his hand in his lap and looked up warily 'I have failed you so thoroughly that I must be the world's worst father.'

Harry felt his heart drop 'It wasn't your fault! I did it to myself.'

Snape just stared at him and then quietly said 'Let me help you, Harry, let me make it well again. Please.'

Harry looked dismayed at the request. He didn't think he needed help really, but the way his father was looking at him, one would imagine he was dying or something. He nodded reluctantly and then scooted over to give his father a quick awkward hug. As he wanted to pull back, Snape encircled his arms around him and held him to his chest. Harry realized that Madam Pomfrey had left and leaned into the embrace.

'You are not the worst father. Not at all.' Harry murmured 'You are the best father I know.'

Snape gave a dry laugh 'Excuse me, but with your frame of reference that doesn't exactly fill me with pride.'

Harry laughed too. Yeah, he could see how Snape would think that. He leaned back to look him in the eyes to clarify 'No, I meant... I've seen people like Arthur Weasley as well. But I'm glad that you're my father.'

Snape gave him a sad smile, that didn't reach his eyes and let him go 'Even though I don't agree, I am sincerely glad to have you as my son. Complete with all the issues.'

Harry smiled up sheepishly, just realizing what he kept putting his dad through time and again. And still, he was glad to have him as a son. It filled him with warmth and a sense of safety. Whatever happened, his dad would be there to take care of it.

* * *

Withdrawal was such an innocent word for such a horrible, cruel thing. Harry understood quickly why he was required to stay with his father. He learned it on the very first night as he woke up, whimpering and crying from his nightmares. Julian, Voldemort, Bellarix and curiously Sirius Black had been haunting his dreamland. Still feeling their hands on his body, he jumped out of his bed and ran outside. It was bitter cold in the dungeons and he walked straight up to his father's bedroom without knocking and then slipped into his bed. But his father was not a spy for nothing.

'Lumos! Harry!' he said surprised at the visitor in his bed, tear tracks on his face, expression scrunched up in memory 'What happened? Are you hurt?'

Harry shivered and shrugged 'Nightmare.'

Snape, who had sat up, lay back down and took a few deep breaths 'Shall I keep the lights on?'

Harry shook his head and scooted closer to him 'Can I just stay here, Dad?'

Snape glanced at him and gave another deep sigh 'Nox'

In the safety of the darkness surrounding them, Severus pulled Harry close and held him 'It's the withdrawal, it will not be the last nightmare. And your inhibitions are lowered because of it as well, not that I'm complaining...'

With that he settled more comfortably beside Harry and stroked his hair until the boy fell back asleep, this time to dreamless sleep.

This had repeated itself for four nights, when Snape decided Harry needed to sleep in his bed until the worst night horrors were overcome. Harry secretly thought Snape rather enjoyed it, but wisely shut up. As Snape would decidedly not enjoy being woken up by a screaming, trashing Harry. And he was right.

Severus had not expected how bad the nightmares were, as Harry came to him afterwards, when most of it had already left his system. Witnessing it first hand was like a knife being struck repeatedly into his chest.

It was the fifth night, the very first time he had gone to sleep directly in his father's bed, that he was woken be a punch in his jaw. Disoriented and angry, Snape turned to the teenager, while rubbing his jaw. Harry was thrashing wildly, flinging his arms and legs about. He gave frightened little sounds and jerked as if he was being grabbed or hit.

'Harry, wake up.' Severus tried to wake him without touching him, but it wasn't enough. So he reached out and shook the boy's shoulder. That was a horrible mistake, as Harry gave a shuddering whimper and tried to get away so fast he fell off the bed. This had fortunately the effect of waking him. But contrary to what Severus thought, the boy didn't come up to the bed again 'Harry?'

Snape looked over the edge of the bed, where Harry was lying in a pitiful little heap, feverish eyes and flushed cheeks looking up at him.

'Come here.' Harry shivered at the command and shook his head, scooting back 'What's wrong, Harry?'

'No, please don't.' Harry said, tears filling his darting eyes, as if he was searching for an exist 'I'll tell someone, I swear! Don't touch me.'

Severus understood what Harry had been dreaming about in an instant and his stomach dropped 'Harry, it's me Severus. Lumos!'

Harry blinked in the bright light, slowly adjusting to it and groggily asking 'Severus?'

'Your dad. Come here.'

Harry blinked up at him, his pupils finally adjusted to the wand light. He gave a deeply relieved sigh, when he recognized his father. This, more than anything, cut into Severus heart. He had been so trapped into his nightmare only visible proof could free him, even though he was already awake. Harry came back into the covers and settled in. Pity like he had never felt before, not even when he thought Harry dead, filled his father's heart. Severus reached over and combed his fingers through the always unruly hair. Harry turned his head to look at him curiously.

'Come here, my child.' Severus whispered and opened his arms. Harry hesitated, but then scooted over, hugging his father. 'My poor, sweet child.'

Harry closed his eyes, finally safe in his father's arms.

* * *

And withdrawal meant that Harry was banned not only from Quidditch and Hogsmeade but from classes as well. He would experience random emotional outbursts, starting to scream in fury or fear. Crawling at his skin to rip it open or pulling at his hair. Dobby stayed with him most of the day and Severus kept him around for the rest. It was going on his nerves extremely to not have one minute alone. But his father had promised that the worst would be over, when the holidays came around.

Harry was brushing his teeth one evening, eying the open door with distaste. His father didn't even let him lock the door if he was going to the loo! How embarrassing was that? Even though he had yet to walk in on his son, Harry didn't like the possibility. He spit out the toothpaste and moodily put everything away he had been using.

'Ready for bed?' his father asked over his book as Harry walked out of the bathroom. Harry gave him a face one would have with a severe tooth ache

'I hate this! It's so boring. I'm all better, dad, can't I go back to classes and stuff?'

'Not yet.' Severus said seriously 'When your counselor says so, we can discuss the possibility. Sit with me for a while.'

Harry came over and sat down, crossing his arms defensively. He knew his father was right, but that didn't mean he had to like it!

'Now, I know you are bored. So how about this weekend we do something together?'

Harry blinked up at him, his arms falling loosely down at his sides 'Like what?'

'I used to go wandering in the woods with my father, when I was a boy. He taught me about herbs and flowers...' Severus said, leaning back into the sofa and regarding Harry 'Would you like that? There are a lot of interesting creatures and plants in the forbidden forest.'

Harry stared at his father. Up until now his father had taken his responsibility with him seriously. He had given him all necessities, cared for his health and well-being. He had been kind and even affectionate, when he believed Harry needed physical contact. But never had he yet expressed a direct desire to spend time with him - just for the pleasure of it. That it could be a pleasure, it still seemed impossible to believe. Suddenly tears shot into Harry's eyes as he thought back on all the occasions he was dumped at Mrs. Figg's because he was unwanted. When Dudley and his Dad would go to do something fun and he'd be left behind, cooking and cleaning. Harry bit his lip and looked away. But the Dark Magic that was seeping out of his system forced him to relive his emotions of loneliness and abandonment. He gave a sob and suddenly clamped his hand onto his mouth. He hated these emotional outbursts!

But Severus had learned how to deal with them by now. He pulled Harry against him, actually pulling the teenager onto his lap, back pressed against his father's chest. Usually, Severus would hold him until the episode was over but this time he talked.

'It's okay Harry. I'm here, my child.' Harry cried unhaltingly, like all of it had just happened and not a long time ago - or what felt like a long time now. 'Shh, my sweet child, I'm here.'

Harry felt embarrassed to his bones but couldn't stop the heart wrenching sobs and cries. He wouldn't be able to take control until the feeling was lived through. So he cried and cried, wondering how many tears one person could produce.

'I'm here now and never going away.'

That stopped it. Harry hiccuped and looked up under tear smeared cheeks and a running nose 'What?'

Severus stroked his sweaty hair away and repeated 'I will always be here for you.'

That almost had Harry crying again but this time for disbelieving happiness. He ducked his head and murmured 'I'd love to wander the woods with you, dad.'

Severus kept stroking his hair, when he dryly said 'Maybe when you feel better, child.'

* * *

Severus looked up as the counselor left Harry's bedroom and walked up to him.

'May I have a word?'

Severus nodded, offering her a seat and putting his journal away

'Now that the withdrawal from the Dark Addiction is complete, Harry's real symptoms are surfacing.' she started, Snape nodded seriously 'I must tell you that he is experiencing PTSD, it is not entirely unexpected after what he has been through.'

'PTSD...' Severus said slowly, straining to remember what symptoms that included 'Isn't that a disorder found in war veterans?'

'Yes, but not exclusively. Any traumatic event can cause the disorder in a varying degree. As you know, Harry was abused by his relatives for years, but what may have begun the disease is the sexual assault by his uncle's colleague. Harry suppressed the memories of it, I suspect his magic played a role, and thus delayed any psychological effect. He came back to Hogwarts, where he was later faced with the death of a teacher and fellow student. Therapy revealed the sexual assault and he started self-harming. That behaviour helped him function relatively undetected until the end of the year. When he found the drug in Knockturn Alley, he started substituting it for the self-harm. After the kidnapping and subsequent events he was in a state of psychological shock, not able to deal with the trauma. Before it could trigger into PTSD he started using the journal to repress it yet again.' the therapist sighed 'Now his mind is finally catching up to the events. The nightmares and emotional outbursts during withdrawal period were the first indicators. What behaviour have you witnessed in him?'

Severus leaned back and took a deep breath 'He is withdrawn, his teachers report that he has stopped volunteering information, in fact I rarely see him talking to anybody and haven't heard his voice above a whisper for a while.' Severus frowned 'He flinches at loud noises or touch. When I think about it... he tenses, when he realizes someone is approaching, who is out of sight... But most of all, he zones out for lengthy periods of time and acts as if he is living through a nightmare.'

'He's having flashbacks.' she explained and then leaned forward to look him in the eyes intensely 'Listen. There is good in everything.' Severus frowned at her and she rushed her explanation, before he could interrupt 'That Harry is an abused child may actually help him overcome the PTSD in this case. He has been adopted into your household – a safe, loving environment. Research indicates that in such cases there is a very good chance that he will heal and become a resilient, grateful and healthy child and adult. A little help from me and a lot of support from you will bring him back on his feet in no time, I am sure.'

Resilient. That sounded a lot like Harry, Severus thought, his glance tracing the door to his son's room. But the therapist was already going on.

'Furthermore he has experience with Occlumency, which can provide him with a safe inner place to hide in, if he should need it, when a flashback threatens to overcome him. This way he can be safe whenever and wherever he is. Other than that I will utilize different therapies, that basically all center around making his experiences real and tangible to him and then make it a safe memory, that is a part of his evolution.'

* * *

Harry stared at his father and then gulped, fidgeting 'Must I?'

'No.' Severus said calmly, leaning back into the couch 'You may stay here longer if you wish. But you will not return to classes until you have absorbed them.'

The innocent looking vial lay in front of them, glinting in the candle light. The liquid gas inside looked as white and foggy as any other memory would, but Harry knew exactly what it contained and in his opinion it should be black. Harry glanced up through his fringe at his father. He knew he'd never return to normal if he kept pushing away the inevitable. He needed to absorb those memories back in, to make them part of him and his past – to overcome them.

His trembling hand reached for the vial and he opened it, before he could back down 'How?'

Severus dipped his wand into the vial and several strands of memory clung to it. He lifted them out and looked at Harry questioningly 'Ready?'

Harry gripped Severus' wrist 'Stay with me'

'Always.' Severus promised softly and Harry nodded for him to continue.

Far too early his memories of some of the worst incidents of his life returned to him and he shuddered under their weight. Even though he had talked it through with Amelia, his therapist, taking them in made them so real it was physically painful. His stomach clenched and his throat constricted as the memory of that hated touch and his helplessness returned to him. The smell, the sound, his words and the way his smile made Harry's stomach turn.

'Dad' he whimpered and immediately arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him in one smooth motion into his lap, cradling him.

'Shh' Severus said above him, holding him to his chest and rubbing his back 'It's alright, he's gone and he will never hurt you again. You did it, you survived, you're safe.'

Harry leaned into the touch, savoring it. He didn't even wonder about how he could be practically sucking in all that physical comfort, when not so long ago any touch made him feel like peeling off his skin.

'You are a brave, strong boy. I am so proud of you, my child, so very proud.'

Harry relaxed at those words, he had done the right thing. He had taken a step forward in the right direction. He would heal now, he would get better.

'I love you, Harry' Severus whispered and Harry stiffened under his touch for a moment 'And I love you, Alex.'

Harry laughed a little at that and murmured 'Thanks, Dad.'

* * *

This Chapter deals with the challenge 'Dark addiction' and 'Hogsmeade'. You will find the description of the challenge following, please be careful as there could be Spoilers for the rest of the story!

**Hogsmeade** by JAWorley  
Summary: From the HP Idea Story Generator ( ): Someone sits broken, In Hogsmeade, During Easter Break, While Having An Asthma Attack, [Genre: Action/Adventure].  
Your challenge is to take this sentence and run with it (hopefully into a multi-chapter story). I don't mind if you change the genre, or Hogsmeade to Diagonalley or another magical town. Questions to get your story rolling: Who finds Harry?  
Where is Harry found?  
Was he missing or did Snape or someone else stumble upon him on accident?  
What happened to Harry?  
What does Snape do when he finds out?  
I really don't mind where you take this story so long as there's no slash. I may even respond to this challenge myself at some point.

**Dark Addiction** by Jan_AQ  
Summary: Harry has been practicing a dark magic, enough to become addicted to it. He doesn't want to stop. Enter Snape.

* * *

**Epilogue - The Beginning of my Christmas Carol**


	11. Chapter 11

**Epilogue - The Beginning of my Christmas Carol**

Severus frowned when one day on breakfast he received post by owl, sent in a muggle envelope. The envelope had Arabella Figg's address on it and underneath in her handwriting one simple word 'Severus'. Curiously he opened the letter and out fell a newspaper clipping.

'Julian Fowler (36) was convicted of child abuse, child pornography and attempted murder. He will be facing a life inprisonment...'

Snape didn't need to read more, he flipped the clipping over and read scribbled on it 'We didn't know. We never wanted that to happen to him'

Snape started at the two small sentences. Anger bubbled over in his chest and gut. That was all? That was all they were willing to say on the subject? What they had done had led to so much senseless suffering and torture for his son. His child was still suffering the effect and would be in years to come. And they couldn't even come up with something that included the word 'sorry'? And for that matter: What they themselves had put Harry through! Oh, they hadn't wanted him to be assaulted sexually but physically and verbally - that was totally unproblematic. Severus didn't even realize he was grinding his teeth and crumpling up the clipping in his hand. A wrinkled old hand covered his arm and he looked up at his employer.

'Severus?'

He thrust the clipping at him and stood up abruptly, leaving his plate untouched and rushing out of the hall. He didn't even know how he got into his quarters but started at the door he had unconsciously slammed shut behind him. He was breathing heavily and whipped out his wand to light a fire in the grate. It positively exploded in the grate.

A knock on the door had him stalking back and wrenching it open. Before him stood Dumbledore with a scared looking Harry beside him. His eyes darted from one to the other.

'What's wrong dad?' Harry asked, looking worried.

'Nothing Alex.' Severus ground out 'Go to your classes.'

Harry looked up at the headmaster, who regarded Severus a moment before he simply said 'He should know.'

Severus closed his eyes, took a deep breath and without opening them, said 'Julian was found out and will go to prison forever.'

It took him another moment until he was able to look at his son again. Harry had wrapped his arms around his torso and was rocking slightly, biting his lip. And in an instant all anger just evaporated. Snape stepped forward and hugged his son to himself. Dumbledore gave him a small smile and said 'I'll give you both the first lesson free. If you need more, just floo me.'

'He's never going to hurt anyone anymore.' Severus said and pulled Harry in, closing the door. Harry freed himself from the embrace and asked 'Why are you angry then?'

Snape looked at him as if measuring if he could take it 'Your relatives sent me the clipping. I was angry at them.'

'Oh.' Harry said and then shrugged 'They don't matter to me anymore.'

'It matters to me. If I had a say, I would...'

'I know, dad.' Harry said, smiling at him. 'It's okay. I hardly ever think about them anymore.'

'You are very strong, Alex.'

The look on his son's face reflected how much this simple statement meant to him 'Not really. But I have you now.'

They boy shrugged and sat down, but this admition was so profound, it stayed with Severus for the rest of the day.

* * *

'Albus, they need to be punished.'

'Good afternoon, Severus, take a seat.' Dumbledore seemed unfazed and unsurprised by the order from his youngest teacher. Snape obeyed the man but kept his challenging gaze on him 'The Wizengamot does, naturally, not punish Muggles. If you want to punish them, you will have to put Harry through their legal system, making him relive every moment of abuse and neglect that he already suffered. Harry is in a safe place now, he is healing. Do you think this is the best for him?'

Snape growled 'Is there no other way?'

'I know you want justice for Harry, I know you want to see them punished, Severus.' Dumbledore said seriously 'As do I. But there is no legal way of doing it.'

'This is incredible! They can just get away with all the suffering they caused and Harry will have to live with it for the rest of his life. I'm here for him now, but what good does it if I cannot fight for him?'

'It does a world of good, Severus. Even if the Dursleys never get punished for their crimes, he has you now. That is all he needed, all he wanted. They are of no consequence for him now.'

Severus crossed his arms, unwilling to let his anger and thirst for revenge go.

'We are in the middle of a war right now, Severus. I'm sorry, but there is no way I can assist you with this.'

Severus looked up at Dumbledore to let out a bit of his anger on him but stopped short at the look he was getting. Dumbledore seemed amused, his eyes were twinkling, his mouth twitching.

And then it hit him. _I can not assist you. There is no legal way._

But there were a whole range of illegal ways and for them he did not need Dumbledore's assistance. Severus smiled as well, an ugly, scheming smile

'Very well, headmaster. Thank you for your time.'

* * *

When Alex entered the Great Hall the next week a certain mood seemed to be lying over it. Alex recognized it immediately. The way everybody was subdued and how they were bent over newspapers and whispering to themselves - there had to have been another attack on a Muggle. His stomach dropped at the thought. That Voldemort was still out there and the ministry fighting relentlessly against him - there was scarcely any week that they did not feel the war reaching out for Hogwarts. Curiously he saw Hermione and Ron sitting together, reading the paper with a dismayed expression. It reminded him so much of their days together as Harry, Ron and Hermione, his feet automatically pulled him forward to the Gryffindor table.

'What is it?' He whispered, leaning down between them and reading the headline. Ron shot him a bewildered, annoyed look, but Hermione offered the paper.

'Muggle Family attacked in Surrey!'

Harry felt his heart thumping loudly at the sentence and gripped the paper 'Surrey?' he whispered, shocked.

'The family living at Privet Drive 4 were the last living relatives of the late Harry Potter, which may be the reason they were targeted. Both parents were found poisoned in their home, the son locked in his room.'

Alex gulped and Hermione said 'Harry hated them but I don't think he would've wanted this...'

'No.' Harry whispered and read on

'The Muggle couple was taken to St Mungos for further treatment. Healers say they will have to rely on potions for the rest of their lives. Their son was sent to live with his Aunt.'

'They survived!' Harry exclaimed and looked up at the head table, were his father was casually flipping through the paper, drinking coffee.

'I say they deserved it!' Ron said heatedly, but in a low voice 'They way they treated Harry! They deserve every second of torture.'

Alex put the paper down on the table and softly said 'No one deserves torture, I don't think Harry would've agreed with that. But he did tell me a little about his relatives and they... yeah, I get why you say that.'

Ron gave him a doubtful look, clearly not agreeing with him. But Hermione smiled and nodded at him.

* * *

When Harry entered the Common Room one afternoon, he spotted Tracey and Teddy together. He walked up to them and said 'Hey, you two weren't at the study group, I thought...'

He stopped short, when Teddy gave him a meaningful look and Harry came around the sofa. He had an arm wrapped around her shoulders and she was crying, a letter lying in her lap.

Harry went to his knees in front of her and she looked up. Suddenly her dark eyes seemed to be a mirror of his own. They both had their father's eyes.

'You knew?'

Harry nodded miserably 'Dad told me the day he learned. I don't think he planned it but it just slipped out. Think he was in shock.'

Tracey pursed her lips 'How could she not tell me? If they weren't divorcing, would she have never told me?'

'She wrote it in a letter?' Harry asked, pointing at it, Tracey nodded

'After Professor Snape told me... I didn't believe him and wrote her.'

Teddy frowned 'That's really mean! What does it mean, she wouldn't have told you anyway if you hadn't known already?'

Tracey shrugged, blowing her nose 'She told him, I guess she knew he would tell me soon.'

'That's really tough.' Harry said, putting his hands on her knees 'But it'll be okay. You can come to us whenever you like.'

Tracey gave a wavering smile 'That's really sweet of you, Alex. Your father said the same thing.'

Harry beamed at her. He was going to have a sister. A real sibling.

* * *

When Harry woke up at Christmas morning a wide smile split his face and he grinned goofily at the ceiling. He stretched and then looped his arms behind his head, dreaming into space. He was safe, he was home.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had sat in a dingy pub in Knockturn Alley and written his Divination essay about what he wished for Christmas. The same wish still held true and Harry chuckled to himself as he wondered if he was a true Seer and dreaming had made it come true. Trelawney would have a stroke just thinking about it.

A knock at his door startled Harry out of his reverie and he looked to see his father leaning on the frame.

'What are you grinning about?' he asked, casually strolling to him and plopped uncharacteristically onto his bed. Harry sat up, still grinning.

'About you!' he said cheekily and Severus raised an eyebrow

'Careful young man, I have it on good authority that your Christmas presents stand and fall at my mercy.'

Harry tilted his head and gave his father fake puppy dog eyes 'You wouldn't!'

Severus actually laughed at his expression and ruffled his hair 'No, I wouldn't.'

Out on a whim, Harry scooted forward and enveloped his father in a hug 'Merry Christmas, Dad.'

Severus arms came around him and squeezed him a little 'Merry, Christmas Harry.'

'Alex.' Hary corrected his father, letting go.

'Harry, for today.' Severus said softly and stood up 'Come, presents are waiting.'

* * *

It didn't take Harry long to go through all his presents, as there weren't really that many people to give him any. His little clique had gathered a few presents and Tracey had added a little letter to hers. She explained that Severus had told her about their relationship but as her parents' divorce was going on, she needed time on her own to cope with everything. She would stay with her mother in any case but would really love to spend a bit of the summer holidays with him and Severus, if he liked.

His father had given him his own set of crayons and brushes, which was akin to an open invitation to draw with his father. Harry smiled softly at them as Severus extended another wrapped package. From the dimensions alone he could tell it was a small framed picture. Harry carefully opened the wrapping and revealed a little piece of art. There was a younger Severus Snape – somewhat idealized – sitting in a rocking chair with a baby boy (if the blue blanket was any indication) in his arms. The man was softly kissing the child's forehead and beneath it, Severus had signed

'To my beloved son,

Alexander Henry Snape

Dad'

Harry's smile widened as he saw that Severus had used the 'y' in 'Henry' to make a little flourish that looked like he had underlined the middle name. It was a minor detail but it pleased Harry immensely, that his father would take his emotions about having to change his name into account like this. Harry looked up smiling.

'Thank you'

'It was nothing' Severus said, seemingly embarrassed 'It just came to me and... well, I'm not talented at drawing people, especially expressions up close-'

He cut his sentence, when Harry reached out and took his hand.

'No, dad.' Harry gave a wide wave of his other hand, indicating the rooms around them 'Thanks for all this. Thanks for accommodating me, not only into your home but your life. You made space for me. But not only that. You were there for me, you gave me all I needed and sacrificed your time, energy, sleep...'

'Harry, any parent would...' Severus said, feeling uncomfortable for receiving gratitude over things that should be perfectly natural and a given.

'But no one did.' Harry emphasized 'That's the problem with orphans. Its not that they can't forget they don't have parents. It's that everyone around them keeps forgetting it. They take their own parents for granted and forget what we miss all our lives, every day.' Harry gulped 'All I wished for Christmas was a parent, a home. You gave me that. I love you and thank you.'

Severus smile wavered a little, but he squeezed the hand back and tried to lighten the mood 'Isn't that my line? _All I wish for Christmas is you_?'

But really, it was Harry's laughter that made for the brightest Christmas present that day.

* * *

Puh! Written in about a month, finished now: What did you guys think? I deliberately left out any mention of the war and Voldemort - that would've gone a little too deep in a direction I didn't want to take in this story. Please leave me a last review and feel free to check out my other stories. I have a couple in English, others in German.

And of course it would be SO cool if one of you tried out one of the challenges, please tell me, I'd love to read it!

**And a little poll**: Do you think I should mix and match challenges like that again? Is there any challenge you would like me to do?


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